Wanderlust
by Cotillon
Summary: After the 3I Shinji woke up wondering what to do with his new life. He came to some crazy conclusions and decided to travel across the globe. Though it is not that simple as it sounds, after all he is always facing new complications. What s with that cape...
1. Crybaby

**Hello readers, I know this is not very original and I am well aware that I am not that skilled to write this kind of story but I would appreciate that you read this, and if you do I love you. I know I am writing one story already but I really had this idea for a long time, so please bear with me.**

**READ THE DISCLAIMER:** I don´t own anything.

**Wanderlust**

**Chapter 1:**

Shinji Ikari knew nothing of his position.

The moment he emerged from the crimson sea before him he found himself staring at everything, as he was never a part of this world at first place.

"Apparently I can swim now…" Shinji thought as he coughed LCL from his lungs.

He was soaked with LCL and his clothes were practically glued on his skin. Moment later he glanced at the giant face that was set on a nearby island, not much of a sight it missed half of it. He just stared at it trying to recognize what it was; it all came back at him.

"_Rei you look so different."_ He thought as he glanced at decomposed face of what could be his ex-sister.

After a few moments of staring he decided something, his first decision in a long time.

"I am probably not very sane…"

He knew that this sight should probably make him loose his stomach content or at least damage his nerves, but for his surprise he felt too much relaxed, even happy. The words came back, the words he was told by his mother. Words of hope that made him decide to come back, he lived in false heaven for far too long, never once happy. Then he remembered his sister, she was hope in his heart…

"Hate to look at you like this but I thank you for everything you said and did for me. Ayanami Rei you have my deepest gratitude, my _sister_." Shinji said and bowed to the cleft face in the distance.

Once again he averted his gaze to the same unmoving crimson ocean before him, the primordial sea of LCL.

"So this is what remains of humanity, huh?" Shinji thought to himself. "One giant ugly face and me…" He mentally slapped himself upon his realization. _"I´m sorry, Rei. I am so stupid."_

The more he thought the more it came back to him. He remembered everything and everyone.

"I wonder if they are happy in there?" He asked himself staring at the crimson ocean of Instrumentality, remembering Asuka and Misato, two most important women of his life.

He could remember living through more than billion lives at the same time, though he could hardly remember two of them now. As much as he tried to remember he got nowhere, only thing he knew that in both of them he lived a long unhappy life being an unhappy father and unhappy husband. He couldn't remember his wives or even his children.

He remembered few more lives in which he was constantly rejected by Asuka, Misato and other women he knew, as much as he wanted to be hurt by that he wasn´t even the slightest. After all Instrumentality was a world without sadness.

Instrumentality sucked, mostly because it was sinless place. "The world without pain was also the world without happiness. " He could remember that line from somewhere. Even though Shinji wasn't sad in it he was also never happy. And that disgusted him; he knew what he wanted in life so he diced to go for it.

"My happiness lies somewhere here I guess." He said looking at the wastes around him.

"Well I have to decide if speaking to myself is a good thing or bad? Hmmm? Well considering I am doing it now and that I am probably the only man alive I really doubt that anyone would mind. Minding that I am everyone…. Whoa."

Shinji looked at his right hand and he noticed that he still had the cross Misato left him on the day she died.

"One more of sad stories…" He said suddenly feeling down a bit.

He decided to put is somewhere as a symbol of humanity and grave of Misato and all of his past friends. Misato wanted him to keep it but truth was that it reminded him too much of a painful past he previously lived in.

"I am moving forward Misato, hope you would understand." Shinji spoke to the cross in his hand. "I will impale you to that tree."

He suddenly realized that he would need a nail and a hammer for that. He looked behind himself.

"Fuck…."

The moment he turned he noticed that he was looking at a desert storm that flew far away from him.

"How come I didn´t notice you before? Well I guess I could stay on this beach a day or two..."

Shinji turned and started to stroll down the beach, not very happy. He could find everything there; it was polluted by all kinds of trash. After few hours of walking and thinking Shinji found a crashed VLC that for his fortune had a toolbox in its back container.

"I am really lucky; this will come in handy in future."

He searched a bit more and found a black backpack with a lot of equipment for mountaineering. He put his newly found toolbox in there and went back to the place he came from.

"Well what to do after this? I guess the whole world is mine now and I am completely clueless. Some adventurer I am…"

It just suddenly hit him.

"Yes that is it! I am an adventurer. Well not yet, I will be. Come to think of it I never left Japan in my life. I could go to America…. Europe and others… Wow! Why not, it´s not like I came here just to die on some beach. There is no happiness on a lonely beach. "

Words from his mother came. "_Everyone must find their own happiness_."

"Thanks mom… Well how can I leave Japan? I will need a boat… I don´t know how to drive a bat. How do I even go to harbor… I will need a car. I can´t even drive a car."

Shinji was depressed now his first dreams were crushed by a cold slap of reality. He was after all just a fifteen year old teenage boy. His voice just recently matured and he was not in driving age…

Soon after he returned to his destination and got to work. It wasn´t so hard, after he was done he looked at it. Cross was perfectly put and best of all it looked good.

"Well at least something is right…"

He suddenly felt hungry, like he didn´t eat for ages. His stomach was pleading for some food. He checked his backpack, nothing. He returned the same path he previously walked through. He found nothing so he just sat on a rock and tried to think this through.

"Well I circled the whole beach and there is nothing to eat. There is no way I can survive in a desert storm… I doubt there is any fish in that sea. God, what should I do?"

Shinji felt helpless.

"What to eat, there must be something. I can´t die like this, I didn´t come here just to die of starvation. I will survive no matter what, I won´t surrender that easily!"

Shinji violently stood up clutching his fists. He felt determined to his cause, survive at all cost.

Then he saw it and he suddenly got an idea, though he wished he didn´t. Reis face was not that far away, and he could easily swim there in few hours. After all that was meat.

Shinji gulped, he was not fine with his thoughts. He was not going to eat the remaining of his sister, which was completely immoral. Even in death she deserves his respect and he was definitely not going to defile her resting place. His stomach thought differently.

"It hurts…"

Shinji bowed his head and started to think. It took him 30 minutes to make up his mind.

"Survival at all cost, at least until I find my happiness. I won´t die here!"

He thought he sounded brave but deep down he really wanted to die. He came to the sea and put his right leg into the water just to feel the temperature. The moment he did it his mind exploded. Next moment he was born, after that he went to school, after that he went to college, he met his future wife Saya, they got married and had three children and they died after fifty years of marriage. THE END

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Shinji screamed as he pulled his leg out of the crimson sea.

He fell on the ground and started to pant heavily. "_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"_ He could hold the memories only for ten minutes; after they disappeared Shinji finally came to his senses.

"I am never setting foot in that sea AGAIN, EVER!"

But then he realized what it all meant, he was going to starve to death. It was all for nothing, he might as well jump there and join others. He felt completely helpless, like the time he watched Asuka being eaten alive, he couldn´t do anything.

Shinji cried for a long time.

"Why? WHY? WHY DID I COME HERE?"

His voice cracked.

He wanted to escape, but only way he could go is Instrumentality or a desert storm, he was cornered. He thought about it for a while, there was no food on a beach and he doubted he would find anything in the desert during a storm. Life sucked right now.

Shinji cried all the tears he had. He felt pathetic for it but it helped. Some sense finally returned.

"Well… I decided something, might as well try to fight instead of crying. God is my witness that it goes nowhere, STAND UP SHINJI!"

So he did, he stood up and raised his fists.

"I am going to make a boat, WITH THIS HANDS!" He declared as he felt some sort of spine inside of him.

He just realized how dumb he was, he had all he needed. He could find wood anywhere he looked, beach was full of it. He recently found toolbox and most important he had imagination.

"This will work. I don't know how to drive a boat… fuck, I should just use a paddle like a pirate, I am so dumb sometimes."

Shinji had one more realization, however this one stranger than other ones.

"A pirate?"

He didn´t notice it but he grinned like a complete fool.

"I am a pirate… I will drive a raft like a pirate. I will be captain, Captain Shinji Ikari the mighty captain of a pirate ship! Only pirate in the whole world, which makes me… HOLLY SHIT I AM KING OF PIRATES!"

His eyes sparked as he looked at the blood read skies.

"Let s get to work, captain."

It was not easy, it took almost whole day to make but after a long effort Shinji Ikari made a raft. He felt overjoyed, he actually decided to fight and he made it. Sea no longer looked like the primordial soup of Instrumentality, now it was just a sea that needed to be conquered.

Adrenaline pumped all over him. He completely dived into a role of pirate. This was maybe the strangest thing he ever thought to himself, but now there was a thing that Shinji Ikari wanted most in the world. Something that would mark him as a new man, shield him from coldness and cover his shadow everywhere he went. Ikari Shinji wanted a cape…

He rushed to the other side of the beach; he knew he saw a trunk full of clothes somewhere. When he found it he opened it as fast as he could, he was too excited to wait a single moment, not to mention hungry. He found jeans and a black shirt his size; it was perfect replacement for his LCL soaked uniform. He quickly dressed and continued to search, and then he pulled it out. Black blanket for one person, it was a perfect cape. It took him a long time but he managed to put it on as a cape. He started to walk back as he felt the wind in his face and his cape just moved together with the wind, he felt invincible.

As soon as he arrived he got ready to set sales. He pushed his raft into the water and quickly jumped into it, took his paddle and started to swing it. He was getting closer to the island with Reis face and he wasn´t feeling that good about it. As he got closer face looked bigger, it was the biggest thing he ever saw in his life.

He tried to think of something else…

"… and after that I will get a bike, bike is easier to drive than a car I guess. I will color it purple, green and black just like my Eva was. I will take a real boat and drive to China, then drive my bike to Africa then Europe, and then I would defeat Pacific and finally arrive in America. Hmmm what then?"

At that point Shinji would successfully make a circle around the world, he never thought of what to do after.

"Guess I would die then… I don´t mind if I die on a journey. After all that is a point, I am happy when I travel. Dam it I could do anything while traveling. I could visit most famous places, eat foreign food… maybe not. I could also collect most valuable objects ever…. I could get drunk… try drugs…"

Shinji felt little silly at the last part but he was pumped none the less. The more he thought of his journey better he felt, death here was not an option. If he was to die it would be anywhere but Japan.

"There is something I wanted to do when I was younger…. Here I come! "

"YARRRRR"

Shinji felt good even though it sounded terrible.

"_Mental note, practice the sounds that pirates make_."

Shinji decided to rest for a while so he looked at his backpack for something. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. He decided to write a story of his travels, who knows maybe he would need it sometimes, and to be honest he really wanted that someone knew what he was doing, mostly because he felt so proud about it.

"What will be the name? Why am I even writing this, again? I am not very sane I guess… That's it!"

Shinji wrote the fist letters: The madman's stories.

Shinji wrote for a while and then he resumed his paddling. He reached his destination and looked at Reis decomposed face before him.

"So huge…"

Shinji already left all doubts behind him, he was definitely doing this. He came closer and touched the skin, normal as any other. He took a deep breath and stabbed it with his pocket knife. Blood dripped a little, not very pleasant but he knew what had to be done. He felt a small tear left his eye as he circled with his knife. After he was done a big chunk of mean fell before his feet, blood poured from the cut and ended below his feet.

He made his choice but he was still Shinji, he started to cry again. He took his knife and cut a small bit that was barely the size of his fist, still crying. He held it firmly in his hand and looked at it, his stomach was raging more and more.

"I mustn't run away now." Shinji said as he took a bite. He felt his nerves breaking.

He could feel his stomach rise but he ignored it, he started to chew by instinct. Blood slid alongside his lips but he ignored it.

It tasted horribly, few more days and it would rot. Once again Shinji cried all his tears by the time he was finished with his small meal.

He just stared at his bloody arms for a while until he decided to snap out of it and move the chunk onto his raft. There was no going back now, he did what he thought had to be done.

His thoughts were silent the whole way back. His mind was devastated and he couldn´t determine how he felt. At the same moment he felt absolute victory over Mother Nature and complete defeat over his own humanity.

"Finally back…" Shinji announced as he moved his pray from his well made raft.

He looked up and wondered. He knew was ready to face a desert tomorrow, he would finally leave this place; he wanted it more than anything. He felt that storm was slowly going away so he should probably go to sleep or something.

"I am going now my faithful raft, you were my first ship and I am proud that you had me. I never gave you a name, I am sorry. I will name you "Conqueror". It suits you my friend. Well I said my goodbyes to you maybe I should say goodbye to them." He said as he looked at the crimson sea once more.

He wanted to say goodbye but this wasn´t the right place. He turned around and his cape flaunted, he was returning to little shrine of humanity that he made. There by Misatos cross he would tell his final goodbyes.

After a painful walk he was on a hill which was right above the place. Sudden beam of light slammed into his face. Shinji stepped back; there was a small opening in the crimson clouds above him.

"Things are going for the best." He decided. After a longer period Shiinji finally smiled.

"I am finally free; I am Captain Ikari Shinji of the raft Conqueror the mighty pirate and conqueror of sea of LCL!" He announced to the wind that lifted his cape behind him. He closed his eyes and melted with the moment.

After a few seconds he decided to open his eyes and say his goodbyes. The moment he opened his eyes he found himself looking at the most shocking sight up to now… more precisely someone…

"_NO, NO, NO, NO, NO_…" He constantly repeated in his head. "_It can´t be, how_? He asked himself in panic. Moment later he gathered his composure and rushed down.

The moment he came down he fell on his knees. He completely broke into a panic as he started to cry for a third time today.

"_Please don´t be dead. YOU ARE BLEEDING! No…_"

"PLEASE DON´T DIE!" He shouted at the lifeless body before he knelt.

He quickly took his backpack off and pulled emergency medic kit he found in that crashed VCL. He stated to bandage her arm, right leg, chest and her eye. After a while he managed to clean the blood and bandage all open wounds. There was nothing more he could do…

He sat back and stared at the girls' lifeless pupil. His palms were covering his face.

"_Why did this happen? She could die any moment. I am not a doctor_…" Shinji thought. He didn´t know what to do next, he was never this scared before. She was still alive but can he really take care of her, last time he saw her she was in comatose. What did it meant for his future, he now realized that he was stuck, no more travelling. All of his dreams shattered in a single moment.

"_Asuka_…." Shinji whispered to a person in a red plug suit.

There was no response.

Did he really wanted to see her awake? He just realized with what he would have to feed her, sole thought of putting Reis rotting flesh into Asukas mouth almost killed him. What could she drink; only thing he drank lately was blood. He felt helpless once more.

New thoughts appeared in his head, they were only humans on this planet, one male one female. "_We could … NO… too much incest for my own sanity_… "

"I could never do that to her. It is not her responsibility."

He suddenly felt angry with the redhead.

"What of my dreams, what of my happiness, you are really selfish Asuka…" He said sadly. "It´s not fair."

But then he remembered the exact way she was put in that condition, eaten alive by nine sadistic angels. And all he did was watch; he left her to be eaten alive.

Thought of him calling her selfish started to devour him.

"I am so, so, so sorry…." She apologized to lifeless Asuka.

She gave no response, Shinji didn´t like it.

"What to do?"

He thought about putting her back in the LCL Sea, she would probably sink right in and she would survive.

"NO!" He interrupted his thought.

He realized that she came out by herself, she was probably the same as him, and she probably detested the false happiness as much as he did. If she decided to go back and live in reality Shinji would respect that decision. He was definitely not throwing her into the sea.

"It has to be done. I am sorry." Shinji announced as he stood up and cleaned his tears with his cape.

Shinji knelt on top of her but not directly on her, his knees were on the ground. He placed his hands on her throat. When he did so he remembered the last words he and Asuka shared on this planet:" I wouldn´t be with you even if you were the last man alive, you hear me I would rather die!" Second later he remembered few lives in the LCL Sea where he got constantly rejected by her.

"_Let's just stay friends_."

"_This is not working_."

"_I got someone else_."  
"_I am already seeing someone_."

"_Kaji is the only man for me_."

It didn´t hurt then, but it did now. He started to squeeze.

"_I am sorry Asuka, this is for the best. I can´t wake you up and I can´t let you destroy me like this. I am so sorry. You must understand that I am fulfilling your wish, I am not the bad guy, you don´t deserve this, you didn´t deserve anything that happened, I´m sorry_." Shinji thought as he closed his eyes and hardened his grab, he was squeezing his hardest.

Moment later one tear fell on her cheek, Shinji was crying for a fifth time.

"_NO, THIS IS WRONG. I mustn´t run away from my responsibility, you are in this state because I was too weak. I don´t want to be weak anymore, I want to be strong, I will become strong and you will watch it happen. I want to see you on your feet strong as you were before, this is not like you. I never understood you and I still don´t but I don´t want to see you dead. Please wake up, if you don´t I won´t be able to live with myself, please If you wake up I promise that I won´t travel I will do whatever you want." _Shinji thought as he released her neck.

Moment later she felt her arms on his cheek, he opened his eyes automatically.

"_She is alive… thank you Asuka_." Shinji thought as he stood up from her slowly.

His face was completely pale, his eyes were sore and they looked deader than Reis face was. He was so happy he wanted to cry but his eyes no longer contained a single drop of tears. He already cried himself for a whole next week.

"How disgusting…" She mumbled.

Asuka looked at her arms, one of them was completely bandaged and they were both shaking. She realized that Shinji found her and saved her, her prayers were answered.

"_I am not dead."_

She looked up and saw him standing above her. He was wearing a black outfit, his face was completely pale and expressionless. His eyes were completely dead and blood was all over his mouth, jaw and clothes. Asuka felt scared.

"WHY DID YOU CHOKE ME?" She cried out. Tears started to slide along her cheek.

He gave no response, nor did his expression changed. There was a short silence; Asuka was gathering courage to continue.

"_Why did you do that? Do you hate me? Please don´t hate me. I am scared. Don´t look at me like that… please_." She thought.

"WHY! Answer me!" She demanded as more tears ran across right side of her face, she started to sob.

"What did I do to you? Do you hate me that much? Why is that blood on your face? ANSWER ME!"

No response came. As much as Shinji wanted to response he couldn´t find a single word, he already sad everything he had already. He didn´t understand her first words but they somehow hurt him too much, he couldn´t even move.

"You make no sense baka." She whispered. "Make up your mind already, are you going to kill me or will you help me get up, either way do it fast?" Asuka asked lauder.

"…"

There was no response and no movement from Shini. Asuka gave up; she put her palms across her face and started to cry uncontrollably. They spent ten minutes like that, Shinji was standing motionless, like he wasn´t even breathing. Asuka finished with crying so she cleaned her face with her bandaged arm and slowly stood up.

They looked each other eye to eyes for a while until Asuka managed to gather some courage for a one last question.

"Why are you wearing that blanket on your back?"

Shinji finally regained his will; small blush appeared on his left cheek as he turned his head away.

"It´s a cape."

**A/N: Well there you have it, I will probably upload second chapter tomorrow. So how did you like it, any concerns, ADVICES, suggestions… that kind of stuff… if not it´s fine? I would really appreciate some comments, you know just for sake of motivation. Kidding I demand some comments, bad or not I need them like drugs. ;D**

**Have a nice day reader.**

**Cotillon.**


	2. Consequences

„**I will probably upload second chapter tomorrow" – What I clearly meant to say is that I will probably upload it in near year, month, week or so… sorry reader. Well chapter two is here. I am not that satisfied with it but I double checked it before upload so there should be less grammar mistakes (and by that I mean that there will be 30 instead of 31),I´m terrible with finding mistakes. I really want to thank all the reviewers, I mean so much positivity! With that everyone is probably expecting that I don´t fuck up… which is same as asking baby penguin to fly… If you can go through this chapter and still love me I swear to god that I will triple check my chapters next time… yeahh…**

**Main reason for my tardiness is new anime season, I mean da fuck? More than 20 new anime… last season was only 12 if I remember correctly… da fuck?**

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**READ THE DISCLAIMER: **I don´t own anything, Gainax and Hideki Anno own it… for now…

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** WONDERLUST**

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**Chapter 2**: Consequences

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"_Angels weren´t that bad when I think of it_…" Shinji thought.

He and Asuka were walking down the beach. Shinji tried his best to find an answer to Asukas questions but he couldn't bring himself to it, heck he could barely follow her constant babbling about the new world order.

Shinji didn´t want her to go away, but right now he was not sure… Yesterday he crushed his own humanity, later on completely vaporized it not to mention Instumentality, which was clearly brain refreshment. His mental state was of questionable state and Asuka was far from helping him.

"_If I walk long enough she might go somewhere else, maybe this is all just a dream_…"

"Third, you are not listening to me are you?" Asuka demanded. Being patched up as she was girl had a lot of strength to follow Shinji around.

Shinji was deep in his thoughts, questioning his sanity but sooner or later some things broke through to his brain.

"I am…" Shinji responded. He was not, but he felt bad for her effort. As much as he wanted to speak he was just too tired of everything, whole night without sleep does that to you.

"SO NOW YOU SPEAK! I swear _Third_, no one will ever know what is happening in your stupid head, how do you live with yourself. How can someone help the maiden in trouble only to attempt murder later?"

"It's complicated..." Shinji replied emotionlessly. He lived through whole day without food and water, more like blood and raw meat diet, as expected he didn´t quite feel well.

"You are all complicated, baka. I can´t believe that destiny put me back with you, I mean YOU. Of all other men in the world it had to be you a? You really have to stick your nose into everything don´t you Ikari? Though I can understand that no one could ever get enough of my perfection, am I right?"

"_Where does she get that energy, seriously_?" Shinji thought.

"I´m sorry. You can leave; I am not forcing you to follow me…" Shinji replied.

"BAKA! I am not following you; it happens that we are walking in the same direction, who would want to be in your presence anyway you are boring as hell." Asuka replied with a small blush that went unnoticed.

Shinji suddenly stopped and looked behind himself. It seems that Asukas babbling put him out of his course. He missed the way for his little establishment, more or less place where he left Reis meat. He slowly waited until Asuka walked in front, then she turned puzzled.

"_We will test that_…"

"I am sorry Asuka, I just realized that I am going the wrong way. I need to go back so, good luck on your way." He said as he turned and walked in opposite direction.

"W-W-What..? Are you serious?" She responded looking at his flaunting cape. Shinji didn´t respond.

"_He is planning to leave me isn´t he? It's my fault. Asuka concentrate, try to be nice or he might actually run away from you. He saved your life didn´t he? You called for him and he came. But then why did he choke me, he doesn't talk to me, he hates me_… "

Shinji just waved behind his back and walked away, he couldn´t explain it but he had a feeling that he won´t be alone for too long. One minute later he stopped as the wind brought smelly scent from behind. Shinji just turned and noticed a red figure hiding behind a rock. She continued to stare with his eyebrow up and crossed arms.

"Ahemm"

After a few seconds quiet "Fuck" could be heard as the redhead emerged blushing. She stood meter from Shinji and looked away hoping that he wouldn't notice her red face.

"Did that moron just play me…"

"Urusai…" She said quietly as she stood before him avoiding his eyes. When she looked last thing she expected was to see Shinji smiling. It made her blush even more.

Shinji felt like his mind responded to the wind, moment before he was in post chromatic state but now he felt a lot better. His mind was clearer and he felt calmer than usual perfect state to talk to Asuka, even though he could predict complications.

"I will assume that your path is this way now, right?" He asked almost teasingly, he still lacked expression for that.

"Maybe…" Asuka replied still uncomfortable. She didn´t like being the played one.

"Good." Shinji said as he turned and started to walk.

"_Good? Good! He is not bothered by my presence after all. Maybe he even wants me around after all, what a pervert; I might actually survive this_…" She thought as small smile escaped her, Shinji was already turned so he didn´t notice it. She rushed after him to catch with his steps.

After a short while Asuka felt bored by long silence they shared, Shinji however was delighted. She still felt uncomfortable by following him but there was no way in hell that she would admit anything, after all they it just happens that they are going in the same direction, coincidence… After a while it became even more boring so she decided to break the silence, after all there was a thing that bothered her so much that simply can´t wait.

"Shinji…" She whispered.

"W-What is it Asuka?"

"D-Do you hate me…?"

Shinji suddenly stopped and looked at her good eye, she did the same. He finally managed to make an expression; and it was puzzled one.

"Why would I hate you?" He asked. He was angry with her, disappointed, irritated but the thing was that Ikari Shinji did not hate Asuka Soryu Langley, it´s perhaps debatable if he ever hated anyone besides his father.

"You are not lying aren´t you Ikari?" Asuka asked somewhat concerned.

"No!" Shinji replied. It was unintentional but his response sounded colder that it was intended.

"Good, because from now on you are forbidden to hate me, you got it Third? Will you promise me that?" She said pointing a finger at him as she usually did when accusing him of being a pervert.

"_Remember Shinji… you promised that you would do anything she wanted if she woke up, now that debt is cleared_… _just go with anything she says, you can do it..._"

"O.K…"

"O.K.? Just O.K.? Your voice may be matured but you are still far from being a real man Ikari. Real men would not submerge to women that easily, you have no spine at all."

Shinji was starting to get irritated, that girl was impossible.

"Do you want me to hate you; we could just forget that promise and move on…?" He asked, he felt angry but he sounded cold.

There was a short silence…

"_Did he just talk back… did that idiot dared to talk back to me…?_"

"No… If you do I will break your legs." She whispered her reply.

"O.K., I´m sorry." He responded and resumed walking, Asuka followed.

"_Well that´s Ikari Shinji for you_… _pathetic_"

"Shinji… why don´t you hate me?" She asked. He got him in talking mood and she desperately needed some answers, and frankly there was no one else to turn to. She just wanted to tease him as she usually did to break the boredom.

"There is nothing to hate…." He replied.

"_He is not in teasing mood today is he_?"

"How so?" She replied curiously. She was well aware how she treated him day after day, it simply didn´t fit in her head.

"Why would I hate the only fellow human on this world?" He replied. He was not sure what that girl wanted of him, every question seemed random and pointless. He hated her low opinion of him even though he probably saved the world more than few times…

Asuka was not sure if she was happy or sad with that response, reason behind that was completely unclear to her. She wanted to ask him one question for quite a while but it seemed that she just can´t pull herself to ask it, she was afraid of the answer she might get so she decided to go with whatever came to her mind. And then it hit her…

"Say Shinji…" She said in devilish tone as she got closer to him.

"What is it Asuka?" He asked curiously, he was not very comfortable with her leaning closer, to be more precise Shinji was very sensitive on smell, and thing was Asuka smelled slightly bad. But there was no way in hell that Shinji would tell it to her; after all he cherished his life more these days.

Asuka moved closer and closer, moment later she was almost breathing his air. Shinji however felt more and more awkward with each centimeter she got closer.

"Shinji-kun, what is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say Adam and Eve?" She asked. She was now only few centimeters from his face.

"U-U-Umm the bible?" Shinji replied. His cheeks turned pink and Asuka enjoyed every second of it.

"Are they reminding you of someone?" She asked playfully. She felt that this was perfect time to continue her assault, he was finally showing sings of embarrassment and humility, two things she loved to get from him.

"_Yes... if she mentions that thing I might as well jump into the sea." _

"N-N-Noo." Shinji replied lying but blushing even more. Asuka got even more pumped at his reaction.

"_I got you now Baka_…"

"Come on baka, I know you are not that dumb, what did Adam and Eve do?"

"U-Umm-"

"_Created the human race from thin air… nowadays called incest_…" Shinji thought.

"- something about … family business and animals…"

"Shinji?" Asuka said angrily.

"They were husband and wife…"

"Shinji…"

"_Actually where the hell did Angels go… I miss those guys."_

"Can we please change the subject? I am really tired" Shinji said with an angry tone. Night was falling quite fast and he needed to eat or it would kill him. He just wasn´t sure how would he break to Asuka that dinner was his ex-sister.

"Oh fine, you are no fun. Just so you know we will talk about this later."

"_Oh this is not over Third_…" Asuka thought angrily, this was far from over.

"_If you can find me in the morning, I hear that morning swims are excellent_." Shinji thought. Planning his own death became new a habit of his in very short notice.

"Whatever." Shinji replied and sighted. He would not tolerate this for a long time; as much as he tried to coexist with her she continued to irritate him.

Few more minutes of walking passed in silence, Shinji appreciated that few moments. He was once again lost in his thoughts. He thought about the future with Asuka, as much as he wanted to be pessimistic about it… nothing. Running away crossed his mind but for the sake of his promises to himself he decided that he would not run away... at least until he knew she was sleeping. But knowing himself it would not happen.

"_Why couldn´t it be only me… the boat… motorbike… ocean…America_…"

"Shinji…" Asuka asked quietly. Shinji immediately sighted in irritation at this little repetitive scene, he could almost predict all the possible questions, or at least that was what he thought.

"What!" He replied not trying to hide his irritation at her constant pointless questions.

"Why are you wearing that blanket on your back?"

"I told you that it was a cape…" He responded with a small unnoticed blush.

"Why would you want a cape?" She asked curiously. She was not bothered by his blanket but she was still curious at his new outfit. She wouldn´t admit it but she kind of liked his new look, at least anything was better than his school uniform.

"Nothing special… I just thought it would fit…"

"What do you mean by fit?" She asked. She was once again too curious to notice that the boy hardy had any strength to deal with her constant questions.

"Nothing…" He replied bowing his head.

"Shinji…"

"_Oh for the love of all mighty_…"

"It's nothing leave me alone."

"_If she was that god damn smarter than me couldn't she figure that I haven´t slept in almost two days… Oh wait, I told her… She just doesn´t care_…" He thought to himself, once again utterly disappointed.

"Shinji…" She continued, pointing out her irritation.

He was done with arguing, his energy was down to 10% and he could barely manage to walk. "_Why not to simply go with the flow, I don´t have enough energy to choose my words anyway_." He thought. After all what could possibly be more irritating than unsatisfied Asuka?

Shinji bowed his head to hide a blush that crept on his face. Asuka immediately noticed that he was sighting, that was a clear sign that he was giving up. She was going to get one straight answer after all.

"Pirate…" He whispered, if Asua was not that close to him she might not hear.

"Say what now?" She asked feeling amused of his reply.

"Nothing…"

"Did I hear that wrong or did you just say _pirate_?" She demanded.

Shinji looked away, what was clearly a sign that he really did say _pirate_. Asuka just couldn´t believe that this was real.

"_That baka thinks… Oh god this is too good to be true_…"

Asuka couldn´t hold it anymore, she broke into tears from laughing. "Pirate? A PIRATE! My god you are the stupidest man alive. Oh wait! Real men would never dream to become a pirate; you are just a stupid child, a little confused stupid child that thinks he is so special. Life was always so perfect for you wasn´t it? Fucking brilliant mess you got yourself into Asuka. Of all people in existence I ended up with most complicated, deluded not to mention useless child ever. If that is my future I might as well leave…"

"_Whatever she says, you can take it Shinji, I´ve been through worse…" _ He thought sadly, his was not feeling very emotional these days but this one hurt a lot…

She continued with laughter, Shinji thought that that she was done with her abuses and that now he could finally return to walking to his encampment. However Asuka did not plan to let this go so easily…

"Mein Gott, I still can´t believe how stupid you are… I just can´t understand who raised you like this, if it was not your father it must be mother, minding that you are nothing like your father you probably got your idiocy from mother…"

Shinji was the most tolerable man in the world, under recent circumstances that is definitely confirmed, but hearing and insult and his mother in a same sentence made something in his mind go loose…

"**SHE INSULTED THE ONLY WOMAN THAT LOVED YOU**:** KILL HER, FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED, FEEST ON HER FLESH, MAKE HER TAKE IT ALL BACK, MAKE HER SCREAM, KILL HER ALREADY, AND EAT HER FUCKING FACE**!"

"…"

It was hard but Shinji managed to fight off the madmen scream inside his head, barely… He felt godlike as his rage gave him overwhelming strength, more than anything in the world he wanted to lean forward and snap her neck, that idea crossed his mind too many times today...

But Shinji wasn´t like that, Ikari Shinji was not a man who could ever kill another person, especially not over an insult. As much as he was infuriated he was still Shinji. However he was not going to let this slide, there was only one option…

She laughed for a few seconds more until she realized that something was terribly wrong. She cleaned the tears from the right side of her face and looked up to see Shinjis face… in that moment Asuka was sure that she never felt this scared in her entire life, she felt his murderous gaze of his bloodied blue orbs ripping through her soul. There was no Angel in existence that could do anything to make her feel this way, air was colder than usual.

Shinji was standing before her with top half of his face completely covered in shadow that few falling light beams made. Only thing that could be seen were his azure blue eyes, very bloodied azure eyes. Shinji pointed a finger at her and left a small but coldest whisper Asuka heard in her entire life.

"Leave."

"S-Shinji-kun I was just kidding, you don´t me-" Asuka said weakly, she was almost shivering.

"Leave!"

"You are not well-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Shinji roared. It was all it took to make Asuka stop breathing.

"How… DARE you mention my mother? Why are you doing this to me? Do you want to make me insane, don´t you? You think I enjoy your fucking company? How the fuck do you think I survived these days? HUH? Guess what you know nothing about me, not of me or my mother, NOTHING!"

"Shinji…" Asuka whispered.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONE MINUTE!"

"World doesn't revolve around you! You don´t understand anything, I don´t need you. Do you know what I did just to survive…DO YOU? I ate my sisters' face just to survive, that's right see that giant face over there, I went there and ate it. My sisters' god damn face! You think everything was rainbows and sunshine for me? Well you know NOTHING! You know why I tried to kill you, because of pity that you would have to do the same things I did just to live another day, makes you thing that I should have finished the job, doesn´t it? And what did you do? All you ever do is bother me. That's right you are just a bother to me, only thing you do is slowing me down. So stop following me and LEAVE! As long as I am concerned you can either die or jump back to that sea and fuck Kaji all day long as you usually did, that is only thing you are good at anyway."

With that Shinji turned and walked away. As much as he hated to do this he was simply too afraid of what he might do to her if that voice came through …

"And If I ever see you again I swear to GOD that I will finish what I started…" Shinji said. However Shinji was not that delighted of the fact that he was leaving her here to die nor did he actually believe in god.

Asuka was not prepared for this. She didn´t know if she was more shocked by his outburst or the fact that it was none other than Ikari Shinji who was yelling at her. She could never imagine that his comeback would invoke this kind of terrible feelings, ultimate regret and very, very deep pain. Every word Shinji said repeated itself at Asukas brain over and over again until she completely broke into tears. She buried her face in her hands and started to weep, by that time Shinji was already gone.

Words just raged inside her head:

"_Leave!"_

"_All you do is bother me!"_

"_Leave!"_

"_I ate my sisters face."_

"_Leave!"_

"_-because of pity"_

"_You know NOTHING."_

"_Leave!"_

"_Do you think I enjoy your fucking company?"_

"_Leave!"_

"_As long as I am concerned you can jump back to that sea and fuck Kaji all day long as you usually did, that is only thing you are good at anyway."_

"_**LEAVE**__!"_

"…"

"What have I done…?" She whispered to herself weakly, Shinji however didn´t hear it, he was too far already, Asuka could barely see his fluttering black cape…

Shinjis anger was replaced by one giant whole in his chest. Only thing he felt now was sadness and regret but he made decision and there was no running away from consequences now.

"_There is no going back now. I could not hold it any more, she deserved it. She is only bother… maybe I went too far. I did go too far, hell I went overboard… but it is late now, she hates me now so I should just leave. She won´t miss me she got her precious Kaji she always turned to. Why did she even bothered to follow me, that´s right she just came back to give me one last leap of sanity. There is no going back_…" He thought as he walked feeling like complete shit.

* * *

Asuka stayed where she knelt.

"_It's all true, I am a complete bitch. What the fuck was I thinking, he never wanted to hurt me … I feel disgusting. All I did was… evil… and he went along with it. God, if I only knew, if he just talked to me… Am just stupid now? He is dead tired, things he has done… I am so stupid… I might as well do as he said. You bitch, what good I am if I can´t help one person that was ever nice to me despite knowing me. I will just jump back and …. No, no, no, no, NOOOOOOOOO . I don´t want to go back, I can´t go back to that place. But he wants me gone… he doesn´t want me around himself, why would he? Did I ever give him a reason to be nice to me…? I didn´t, but he was always so nice to me… "_

Asuka felt that she was cracking, Shinji was absent for one minute but he left an enormous black hole in her chest that was filled with loneliness, regret and sadness…

"_I can´t live… I don´t deserve to live… I had no right to come back_…"

Tears never stopped pouring. Words from Shinji drained all of her will to live… She looked at her hands and thought if she could try to strangle herself…

"_Impossible, what are you thinking idiot… even your hand is all bandaged and useless as you are… he bandaged it for me_…"

She just stood there thinking, looking at her hand. Few moments later she extended her bandaged arm and clenched her fist. It hurt like hell…

"_I want to stay with him, I don´t want him to think of me as a bother… I want to apologize so badly, I want redemption… I can be useful to him, I want to hold him so badly and tell him that I am sorry. He deserves better than this, of all people he deserves the best… My life is meaningless anyway; I could try even if it kills me… if he kills me_…"

Shinji continued walking but he could as well collapse any moment. He regained some of his strength from excitement but now depression was starting to do its work with him. He just didn´t felt like doing anything, neither eating, nor breathing. It felt heavy but it didn´t bother him, he just continued to thinking about his previous deeds. Moment later Shinji heard running footsteps and it didn´t took a genius to figure who might that be.

"_Maybe Asuka decided to end me… so that is how I go_…_At least I will die knowing that I did so defending the honor of woman that gave me will to live… I hope you will be proud of me_…"

He closed his eyes and prepared for impact. But for his surprise in next moment he found two arms holding him around his chest. Asuka was holding him from his back, he could feel hear head buried inside his cape. He could even feel hear heartbeat through his back…

Few moments passed in silence, after nothing happened Shinji opened his eyes and noticed that the girl holding him behind his back was crying inside his cape.

"What are you-"

"P-P-Please listen to me…" Asuka said weeping.

"_I feel like shit watching you cry…_" He thought. He knew what he said and he felt so disgusted with himself. He never told anything like that to anyone, not even to his father who deserved it more than anyone. It was devastating to look at her looking like this but he wasn´t sure if he could forgive her…

Shinji remained silent so she got it as an encouragement to start. He just thought of most brilliant idea to settle this down, but it was very risky one, but it sounded ingenious inside his head.

"_This might work, no this is the only way_…" Shinji thought

"I-I-I don´t want to go away from you. I was complete bitch and I know I have no right to ask this but I really want a second chance… I know-"

"-You don´t deserve it…" He replied coldly. He tried to break free with minimal effort but she grabbed him even harder, there was no escape for Ikari Shinji.

"I know b-b-but..." She tried to mutter but she interrupted herself, few sobbing later she regained her composure and continued: "I don´t want this, I don´t want you to hate me, you promised not to hate me…"

"Asuka, do you remember the last words we shared before impact…?"

She did not at first but moment later she did. She remembered the same exact words she told him before and she just couldn't believe that he stayed in her presence even though he remembered it… She thought that she felt like shit before, now she just sank even deeper.

"P-P-Please don´t … I want to be helpful to you, to redeem myself. You can use me, you can use my body as you like…"

"STOP IT!" He said with breaking voice. Asuka didn´t expect to hear Shinji cry…

"Don´t ever say anything like that…. I don´t hate you and I am disappointed that you would think I would ever use you… I hate when you think that low of me… It´s not fair…I know you hate me from the day we met and that you hated to be with me… "

He suddenly stopped himself to let out few noises.

Upon hearing Shinji sob Asuka felt even more devastated, she realized how much did she really hurt him… She let go of him and rushed to his front. She looked at his teary eyes with her good one and pulled herself into him. Shinji hesitated at first and tried to push her away but at the end he just gave up as he embraced her. Both of their heads were on others shoulder and their ears were touching.

"I DON´T HATE YOU, YOU HEAR ME!" She shouted still holding on to him even tighter, as her eye left even more tears.

"I don´t hate you either…" He responded quietly feeling a little better with himself.

They remained embraced for quite a while, letting their tears calm down a little, Asuka still didn´t know if he forgave her or not, but at least she found some confidence in fact that he didn´t hate her. If he forgave her she would kill herself, in back of her head she wanted him to beat her to a pulp so she could at least feel slightly better with herself. More than anything she wanted to tell him everything about herself. She didn´t care how woundable it would leave her, she just wanted to make herself lower so he would feel better… but then it was Ikari Shinj who she thought of. If she knew anything at all about him it was the fact that he had no pleasure in being above others. None the less she had to say a thing or two… or else she wouldn´t be able to live with herself.

"Shinji…" She said in whisper, "Was I really with Kaji in your … lives… I don´t want you to think of me like that… D-D-Did it really happen in there?"

Shinji just stiffened but remained silent, it was all confirmation that Asuka needed. She felt horrible…

"I did not…. It was not me in your… please if anything just believe me now…" She pleaded weakly.

"It´s o.k. … I believe you…" Shinji replied calmly as he started to harden his grip on her.

Asuka felt even more down… he believed her. Even after all of this he believed her. She couldn´t stand it.

"Why are you so nice to me? WHY? Even though I was such a bitch, I don´t deserve your thrust… answer me!" She demanded angrily, but not angry with him, only with herself.

"If you say it´s not true then I-"

"BAKA! I refuse to be threaded like this. P-P-Please just break my lag or something, I won´t be able to look at myself ever again. Just do something to me, anything… you won´t ever forgive me if you don´t." She desperately pleaded. She realized that Shinji is better person than she would ever be, in her opinion only way for her redemption was to be punished. She knew that she was asking for a lot but if it came to it she decided that she would mention his mother again.

Shinji just turned his head and looked at the side of her face. He just smiled.

"You idiot, I already forgave you long ago…" Shinji whispered. However it was not what Asuka imagined he would say.

"NO, NO, NO, NO… YOU DID NOT. Don´t do this… threat me like anything, like shit, waste, trash but not like this… just not like this…" She said as her eye started to pour tears again.

"Very well then… In that case I demand that you behave nicely for one day…"

"_ONE DAY…ONE DAY… he could literally ask for 10 years…or anything else and I would do it… if he told me to pull my other eye out I would do it… why Ikari…you…you…you_…"

Asuka pulled off as much as she could but Shinji was now the one that wouldn´t let go. Asuka started to weep as she started to hit him over his chest, very weakly of course. Only thing that Shinji did in response was to smile even more.

"Youu I-i-idot… you, youuu … *snif* Iidot… supi-i-id baga… *snif* you, your-r mathe..*snif* … stubit…"

"Shhh… "Shinji hissed as he pulled her head in his chest, he was victorious. Asuka however had no clue whatsoever what Shinji was trying to pull off. After Asuka cried all her tears on Shinjis black shirt she spoke still leaned on him.

"You are not from this world are you?" She asked weakly.

"You know it…"

"I-I-I refuse to be threaded like this, you are just not from this world, I will go… Goodbye" She said as she tried to break free, Shinji however had different thing in mind.

"Let go of me… L-Let me leave, that is what you want…"

"You still don´t get it, don´t you?" He said with devilish smile. He could deny it as much as he wanted, but seeing Asuka clueless and disoriented was so god damn cute.

"Look, I won´t force you to punish me to make me feel better, I know you good enough that you wouldn´t be able to come up with anything better than one day of me being nice… I just can´t fe-"

She was interrupted by sudden chuckle from Shinji. She was completely clueless, as much as she wanted to think that he was happy because she was leaving, she didn´t. Something in the back of her head told her to think… that she was missing something… after all why was he still holding her.

"Asuka your punishment is already over…" He said with a smile. She was still not getting it… and then it hit her.

"_Did he… nooo…_"

Shinji just stared at her with a vicious smile, it worked.

"_Did that baka just make me miserable by being nice to me, INTENTIONALLY? Did he plan this just so I could feel as down as he did by BEING NICE… NO…no... Fuck….he did didn´t he? He made all that just so I would appreciate him more… he probably just wanted an apology… well I gave him a lot more than that… Asuka you stupid… ARGH…Shinji…you…you… you_…"

"You planned this from start didn´t you?" Asuka said somewhat demandingly and bit angry. Shinji knew he didn´t plan it from start, but he still felt that he deserved some extra credit.

"Maybe…" He replied with a big grin, "It could be that I know you pretty well."

Asukas eyebrow twitched. "YOU… you … you… THANK YOU!" She said as she grabbed him with her arms, squishing him harder than Misato ever did. Shinji could felt his chest Shrinking a bit but it was didn´t felt like ruining a moment.

Asuka was relieved, she wasn´t expecting to be punished by niceness, even worse realization was that Shinji had complete power over her and he simply decided to forgive her for everything. She still felt bad but at least half of the pain was now gone.

"You really came from some other planet right?"

"Maybe…"

She humphed at him and adverted her gaze a little, there was one question that she was too embarrassed to ask but she already did a lot more embarrassing things today.

"Shinji?" She whispered softly.

"What is it?"

"You won´t mind me tagging along then?" She asked little frightened. She knew that there was no way that Shinji would leave her alone in the desert but she was still a little afraid that he might say no, after all Shinji pulled off quite unexpected things today.

"Depends…" He replied.

"On what…" She asked puzzled.

"AHEMM"

"_Oh... I almost forgot… you can do this Asuka_!" She thought, she needed to encourage herself to do this, after all it was a first time that she was actually saying these few words to Shinji.

Asuka turned her head from him. "I´m sorry." She said quietly, if he wasn´t more than few centimeters away from her he wouldn't be able to hear it. But Shinji was not satisfied.

"AHEMM"

Asuka felt a bit irritated but it had to be done.

"I am truly sorry that I insulted you and your mother! I will try to behave… sometimes… and I promise that I will be less of a bitch! Happy? Is this proper apology you wanted?"

"No one said you were a bitch." He corrected.

"Urusai..." She replied with a small blush. He somehow started to get under her skin and she didn´t like it.

Shinji just tapped her on the head making her blush even more, however he didn´t saw it because her head was bowed from embarrassment. He could hunch it but he simply didn´t feel like pushing his luck. Asuka however was still afraid of his reply.

"It´ s o.k. Asuka, I forgive you, and I would be happy if you tagged along." He responded. He knew what he was sacrificing, but he felt that taking care of Asuka was a right thing to do. He knew she was not his responsibility but he once left his friends to die. When Rei blew herself with N2 mine or when he couldn't help Asuka and she ended up being eaten alive, there was no way in hell that Shinji would let something like that happen ever again.

"Really? I-I- I mean good... I wouldn't have it any other way. You are lucky Third! You just got yourself the most beautiful woman on the planet as your companion!" Asuka announced proudly. She couldn't help herself; she just smiled broadly at him. She was happy that he accepted her and that she finally redeemed herself, one way or other things were looking better for Asuka Langely Soryu.

Shinji noticed that he was still holding Asuka in tight embrace, when she also noticed it they both broke off in the same time and turned their back on each other, both blushing furiously. Few moments passed when Asuka decided to break the silence, not turning back to look at him.

"So where are we going?" She asked still feeling a bit embarrassed.

"_Actually when I think of it… I have no idea_…" Shinji thought. He realized that he trailed off his course when he thought of Asuka. He felt embarrassed but there was no way that he would tell Asuka that he had no idea where they were. He decided to look around and choose most decent looking path.

"That way!" He announced.

"_Probably…"_

"O.k., lead the way baka." She said in her usual tone. Shinji was happy that she returned to her usual self, anything was better than hurt Asuka in his mind.

He went first and Asuka followed one foot behind him.

"I feel hungry. How will…" Asuka said but soon halted upon realization. "I´m so, so, so sorry."

"It´s o.k.…" Shinji replied but he felt horrible none the less. He just bowed his head and started to think of disgusting methods of survival that Asuka is now also part of; he hated it. It was his choice. He knew that it was only way to survive but it didn´t mean that he should be happy about it.

He returned to real world when Asuka decided to make something unexpected, she took his hand. He gave her confused look as if thinking that it was accident but she only looked back at him with smile and squeezed his hand as if she was reassuring him.

"We will get through this." She reassured him. Asuka felt bad for him, she couldn't imagine his pain but she knew that she soon will. She wanted to be there and help him as much as she could, in her mind he deserved it and she knew that her debt was still long from returned.

"Thanks…" He replied softly. He managed to find some comfort in her words, and that gave him enough strength to lead onwards to his… food source.

They continued in silence still holding hands.

He felt like breaking the silence and speaking to her about just anything that came to his mind but he remembered advice that Kaji gave him back then:

"_Shinji, you never interrupt woman when she is NOT speaking, understand? You must cherish that few rare moments given by god_!"

Shinji thought about that few words a bit.

"_Now I finally understand Kaji-sensei_!" He thought as he felt that Asuka might break the silence any moment…

"Shinji…"

"_As expected_…"

"What is it Asuka?"

"I like that blanket on your back, it fits you, whole new level of manliness." Asuka said in her playful voice.

"It's a cape…" Shinji replied irritated.

"Are you going to wear that all the time, I mean-"

"-Don´t push it!"

"Ay captain!"

* * *

**A/N: This was so damn hard to write. I originally planed this for chapter 4 or something but I figured there is no point in that. Minding that this was bound to happen, not to mention that it would be so boring to write about Asuka recovering from some stupid mind rape of sorts, am I right? I didn´t plan to go with fast drama but I feel satisfied enough… I mean I just can´t put myself to write few Asuka bullies Shinji while recovering chapters (I mean its illogical, they would die)… whenever Shinji gets tortured little baby Cotillon inside me cries (occasionally, well mostly never…)… I just like it more this way. **

**I hope you like that Asuka is in puberty and Shinji just started with it, I know that his thinking was a little Ooc… - ish… but you know puberty and stuff… Next chapter will be more about their changes of sorts; after all I like to appoint every single detail. You will get what I mean later… so for the next time chapter three should be up tomorrow…. HAHAHAHAH…**

**Have a nice day reader.**

**Cotillon.**


	3. Knowing yourslef

**So we meet again reader, hopefully you didn´t gave up on me seeing 300 grammar mistakes (I could use a pre-reader... but I don´t know shit about that stuff, someone point me in the good direction, guides are guides, like science... I don´t get it) on the previous 2 chapters… good to know… To be honest this chapter probably has even more minding that it´s 10000 frigging words long… yes that´s how much I love you... Now repay that love with review or so…. If not, whatever… not like I need you or anything… pweezeee. I made myself check this chapter a few times to possibly find some mistakes, though we all know how much I suck at that… enough of pointless ranting… **

**I THANK ALL THE PEOPLE THAT REVIEWED, especially the ones that did it more that once (Donderkind :*)**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: **I DON´T OWN ANYTHING, STOP ASKING!

* * *

**Wanderlust**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Knowing yourself**

* * *

Desert storms were still annoying and Shinji Ikari was not accustomed to live in the open. After their _meal_ Shinji sat on the uncomfortable sand and lost himself in deep thoughts, Asuka however excused herself and went off. It didn´t took a genius to figure that she was obviously puking. Shinji could understand that the girl was not accustomed to cannibalism, of sorts, neither was he but he surprisingly kept his cool. To Shinji everything was simple, life throws you lemons, you adapt and don´t ask questions. Shinji wanted to help her but she declined implying that she can take care of herself. He wasn´t taking any pride in fact that he helped Misato vomit on several occasions, that woman created whole new level of hangover.

Rei was starting to rot. It bothered him because they needed the new food source really fast, if not for the sake of eating then for sanity, both were running short. They could live at least two days through desert of what was left, but later on it would get messy. If they failed they would starve, or even worse. Thought of either he should or shouldn´t eat Asuka if necessary crossed his mind but he neglected that thought instantly.

He was starting to become afraid of himself. He didn´t want to hurt anyone but his brain unconsciously formulated worst-case scenario plans that included Asuka dead. Wind blew so shivers ran through his spine like daggers, he slowly warped himself within his cape, sun was setting and it was becoming colder with each moment. He already experienced how much of pain in the ass can desert nights become.

Once in a while Shinji loved to watch sunsets. They relaxed him and helped him to sleep; this one was even richer than any other. Crimson skies gave it a special tone and perfectly mixed with its fading colors or yellow and orange. Shinji could easily say that it was one of most beautiful and relaxing multicolored sunsets he ever saw. Instead of settling in plains, sun sat on Reis huge decomposed bloody face. It completely ruined the moment.

Shinji was deprived of the smallest things that made him happy. He lost his SDAT, cooking, cello and now he lost sunset. It was just small addition to the list of lost things. In just one day he lost everything, including whole human race. At least he could do is hold on to little sanity he has left and besides there was also Asuka. If he included his dreams that were the only precious things on this world that held him on his feet, he also realized that it would all shatter if he lost even one of those three. Life without dreams or goal was pointless, unworthy without sanity and unfulfilling without Asuka. It scared him that of all things Asuka was probably the least necessary, but to Shinji everything was gravely important. Even though he recently found out about ambition he started to cling onto it.

He felt like the whole day was just a waste of time, he and Asuka didn´t get to one important topic. He had no idea where to go or why. Deep down inside he just wanted to leave Japan and go overboard never to return, but now he wasn´t so sure. Things got a lot more complicated since Asuka emerged. Now he only thought of stable places to claim as their new home. First of all they could return to annihilated Tokyo-3 and scavenge enough goods to move on, or just stay there. Shinji decided to not to decide anything without consulting his female partner, after all they were together in this shit so he might as well share some of responsibility.

He wanted to sleep but he thought it would be appropriate to wait for Asuka, even if he wanted he couldn't simply fall asleep when one of his friends was suffering. Sadly there was nothing to kill time, it was already night and only thing he considered to be fun is exploring nostalgic memories of the past. Most of the time he tried to explain everything that happened up to now: Evas, Instrumentality, dummy plugs, clones, Children. He knew he could find an answer to everything if he tried; after all he had all the information he just had to combine the pieces together.

Instrumentality and Evas were little out of his comprehension, he knew a lot already but still missed the big picture. His thoughts drifted to his former colleges, his friends and his enemies. Everyone seemed to end up tragically, even his case was debatable. He didn´t blame himself for end of humanity but he wasn´t happy with the fact that he was a tool in the process. They made him to do stuff he never dreamed could even happen. He remembered vaporizing his best friend Toji and squashing Kaworu, the only person who loved him for who he was and who decided to go against his own kin to let humanity live. Shinji didn´t like the fact that he was only able to man up after he witnessed the fall of men and sacrifices of everyone he held dear. It was painful but Shinji decided to use that pain as the tool to go forward, there was no point in regretting it now.

He decided to cherish each sacrifice and learn as much as he could from what they told him. Misato taught him the importance of family, Toji of friendship and Kaworu of love. He remembered Kaworu saying many things he didn´t quite understand, things about people's hearts, strength of a soul and A.T. Fields, A.T. Fields…

"_Now what did he say… he said that every human being possessed an A.T. Field… so that would mean that anyone could make it, right? What was it? He told me something about barriers of soul… there was something about ego… ughhh. How did I do that in Eva? Oh, I just said "Deploy A.T .Field"… that seemed easy enough… sure I have barriers_…"

Shinji extended his arm and tired to focus, he had no idea of what he was doing but there was not much to do anyway. At least he could try; it was not like he even thought it was possible. He closed his eyes and started to focus on feeling he usually had when he deployed A.T. Field in his Eva. He tried to shake his arm as to give effect of channeling something in his arm, however nothing happened. But he decided to give one more shot.

He closed his eyes again and started to focus on his extended arm more forcefully. When he felt he was ready he focused all of his focus on his palms, however he felt _nothing_, only chills.

"…"

Then he heard a sparkle and then another one and then he opened his eyes to see a small orange light floating in his palm. It was not even electricity, but it sure was something.

He was stunned, overjoyed, and speechless, he did it. Even though it was smaller than his pupil it was still there. Small disoriented ball of sparkles that looked nothing like A.T. Field. In that second Shinjis imagination exploded. He was too busy imagining even to pay attention to the ball that started to sparkle more aggressively. Small light ball spiked in all directions. When he finally noticed it was too late, ball formulated some sort of orange lightning that slammed into his palm.

Shinji s mouth were wide open he didn´t left a single sound but a few small hisses that implied that the pain was inhuman, his mind was twitching from the pain barely registering anything else. His whole skin was shuddered, his eyes started to water as he pressed his palm between his legs. Pain was so horrible that he couldn't even move an inch, only his eyeballs moved from side to side. So for the next four minutes he could only manage bobbing back and forth mentally cursing everything that ever existed. When he felt that pain was decreased by half he slowly removed his arm from between his legs to study his palm. He noticed the obvious back hole in his arm, it was not deep enough to damage his bones but it was at least millimeter or something, more or less it resembled a small black crater. He noticed that smoke arose from his still burning black flesh. Luckily he could still move his fingers even though he wished he never even tried.

"_Rule number one of survival, NEVER TRY ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN_! _Screw NERV! How the hell did they pull this off! Damn this hurts…_ " He thought to himself still twitching from the pain. He quickly ripped some of bandages and tended his palm.

"_Looks better_…" He thought sadly. He didn´t make any accomplishment, he only disabled his fist for a time being. He felt his depression arouse as he realized that he won´t be raising invisible barriers at any time. He didn´t expect anything but he almost did _something_, whatever it was he did it. And that depressed him, even though it didn´t look anything like A.T. Field it was still there. Shinji cherished his life more nowadays so he simply decided to pretend that this never happened and simply forget everything about beautiful mini sparkling ball. It was for his well-being.

* * *

Moment later Asuka returned and found the boy warped in his cape looking more depressed than he usually was.

"_Same place where I left him_…"

"Hey Shinji," Asuka yelled to the boy. "Come over we are going to sleep."

She broke his trance. Shinji noticed where she was so he nodded rising up. They spent a few moments studying each other. Girl looked too pale for her own good, she obviously lost a few pounds there and he looked like he just re-watched the end of humanity, without popcorns.

"Are you ok Asuka? You didn´t eat anything…" He asked with obviously concerned face. She didn´t respond at first, she was just looking at his bandaged palm. Shinji noticed it and moved his arm behind his back making a silly face not even sure what to do. He was about to come up with some stupid excuses when Asuka stepped before him and gripped his arm to exposed the burnt palm.

"What is this…?" She demanded with very angry expression.

"_Oh, the usual, creating something out of nothing… god-ish stuff you know_…"

Shinji couldn´t explain anything even if he wanted to, so he decided to state the obvious. "It´s just a burn… I accidently burnt on fire…no biggie."

"Do you think I´m stupid _Third_? I know it´s from fucking fire, what else could burn you_, idiot_! This is too deep to be only a burn!"

She looked directly at his eyes; Shinji however was too scared to return her gaze so he just bowed his head. He couldn´t explain it, of course he could try but he knew that it was more likely to go back in time than make a believer out of Asuka .

Asuka was however frightened but mostly angry with the boy. "I swear Third, if you try to kill yourself one more time… I will beat up your sorry ass until you stop breathing! You got that?"

"It´s not like that…" He said with uneasy look, shaking his head.

"Don´t give me shit _Third_ or I will seriously beat your sorry ass right now!"

Asuka was mad and Shinji knew that he can´t come up with anything better. He could try to make that ball again but that was just too painful for his well-being and he also doubted he could pull that off in any near future. So he simply declined to go with the obvious.

Shinji took a deep breath and prepared for the worst."I did NOT try to kill myself, it was an accident," He was a bad liar but this was not a lie, he did consider that burn to be an income of accident, "I swear."

"You are lying!" She said in disbelief, raising her fist. She was scared that he really did attempt suicide and leave her completely alone, however she was still puzzled by his change of mind, his arm was bandaged after all. As much as Asuka denied, truth was she hated to be wrong.

Seeing Asuka hesitating Shinji pressed on, "I am NOT lying, I just slipped on my cape and my hand ended on tip of some branch in the fire. It´s the truth…"

He felt very uneasy now, she was closely studying his face and he was not even sure what kind of expression he had now. Asuka gave up, she tried to study him but it was too dark, even if he did try to kill himself he didn´t, and that was important. She knew for a fact that Shinji couldn't cling onto something if it was not the truth, and she was also pleased with what she heard.

Her eyes narrowed and she sighted. "Suits you right! If you are that stupid to wear that blanket around you might as well suffer a little. Hopeless…"

She turned back and Shinji finally sighted and started to breathe at normal speed. It was the first "lie" that ever passed, this was not exactly a lie but it still drifted from the truth. Misato and Asuka always knew when he was lying but now it worked, Shinji felt a bit better. Though his composure instantly broke when Asuka suddenly stopped and turned to face him, now he could only thing of slow and painful death that awaited.

"Shinji…"

"Huh?" He returned nervously. She didn´t sound mad but he knew how easily redhead changed her mood.

"Y-You wouldn´t do anything like that… right?"

"NO, no… "He responded shaking his head.

"Good, you better not…" She responded walking to the fire. She laid down near it and turned her back to it, soon after Shinji followed and laid on the opposite side.

Shinji knew for a fact that Asuka was snoring; he remembered it from the one night when Asuka crept into his room and decided to sleep in his bed. They never spoke a word of it, mostly because there was nothing to say, or he was just afraid to say anything. She precisely stated that it didn´t happen, he didn´t object. From the cracking sounds of fire he couldn't hear anything even if she was snoring and asleep or not, for that he was grateful.

* * *

The boy couldn´t sleep, he was dead tired but sleep wasn´t coming. He was dirty, his mouth still had that same flavor of certain meat and he generally felt depressed. He missed his SDAT that usually helped him in this kind of situations, not only did it help him to relax but it also helped with neglecting bad things that kept him awake. For the time being the Third Child closed his eyes in hope of better tomorrow.

Asuka was not sleeping either. She was numb, cold and lonely. Asuka hugged her arms to her body in a vain attempt to ward off the deep chill that was scratching her bones. She could bare the loneliness but cold was just too much. She decided it was enough when she started to shiver all over. She slowly got up and crawled to her companion.

"_I can´t believe I´m doing this again_…"

She slowly tapped him on the back. There was no response.

She closed on him and slowly whispered to his ear. "Hey Shinji… you awake?"

Shinji heard her approach but didn´t felt her touch so he was not surprised, but her breath on his ear felt too awkward for his liking.

"Yeah, what is it?" He replied weakly. Asuka felt sorry for disturbing him after all that happened but it was just too damn cold.

With clumsy expression, Asuka mumbled, "You know… its cold and you have that blanket…so…"

"It's a cape," He felt a bit irritated of her disproval of capes but he was also uneasy because he was not that stupid not to figure why she came to him, he remembered that he didn´t close his eyes for a second last time they shared the bed, but he also noticed that she was shivering, it was simple," Y-You want to j-join me…?"

Auka blinked in surprise, taken aback by his proposal. "Y-Yes… if it's not a problem…"

Shinji slowly pulled some of his cape behind him as suggesting that she leans behind him. She did so but found the cape to be too short. They spent some time like that, back to back. Shinji was not complaining even though it was very uncomfortable but Asuka was not a person with nerves of steel.

She tried to relax but it was not helping, she was left with only one option. He leaned closer to him and started to whisper slowly. "Shinji…"

"Yeah?" He responded, also in whisper.

"It´s too SHORT, your stupid cape can´t cover my whole figure!"

Shinji taken aback by her sudden change of tone only squirmed. "Umm…it is a one man blanket after all, just try to relax-"

"_Dam it, cape Shinji, CAPE_…"

"-I am, it´s not working! Turn around!" She interrupted, also turning around. They both rolled and now were facing one another with only small distance between them.

"Look baka," she nervously gulped, "just come closer…"

To that Shinji was starting to panic."Umm… I-I..ugh…s-sU…a…"

"Oh for crying out loud Third..." Asuka clumsily leaned closer and closer to the panicking boy. Closer she got further he slipped, "THIRD, get your ass over here!" To that Shinji just gulped and stopped with pointless resistance.

They awkwardly reached to each other and pulled one another closer. Now they firmly stood one before another with only one centimeter apart. Laying like two wooden planks they both looked at the other nervously, there was not enough breathing place.

"Third it´s still uncomfortable…" Asuka informed the sweating child. "Hug me…"

Shinji felt his heart slam into his throat. Small blush escaped but the shadows hid it from Asukas eyes. "Umm, say what now?"

Asuka frowned in annoyance. "Ikari you hugged me before, you can do it now, I believe in you." She said mockingly. Third Child just sighted, if she was so damn persistent he might as well.

"Closer… "Something bumped. "Put it here… no wrong place…don´t touch that…CAREFUL… move that damn leg."

After a minute of what could be a struggle both children found themselves in some sort of appropriate position. Their legs were completely tangled and their arms crossed before them, it was acceptable. Blanke…cape was covering both of them perfectly, not exposing single part of their bodies but their heads.

It was getting awkward for Asuka to stare into Shinjis eyes all the time so she silently ordered. "Go to sleep Captain Kidd."

"Good night Asuka," came his irritated reply. Shinji closed his eyes for a few moments, he didn´t know why but he still felt uneasy. He closely opened his eyes only to see Asuka still starting at him with her good eye wide open. He was scared shitless.

The boy gulped feeling completely nervously. "W-What?"

"Don´t you dare to try anything perverted!"

"Just sleep." He returned even more irritated, he hated to be accused for something he was not. After all Shinji Ikari was one of rare young males without a hidden porn stash, he even refused Kensukes generous offer of his ultimate beach collection.

"Aye Barbarossa." She returned finally closing her good eye. He did too.

They both remained silent for some time before Asuka became irritated by something else. "Shinji what's that smell…"

"_I´m afraid that that's your month of comatose coming on surface_…"

There was no way that Shinji would tell her the truth so he responded with the first thing that came to his mind. "I don´t know...maybe a wind or something…" After he heard a silent sniff he slowly opened his eye a little to peak at the blushing redhead before him, he couldn´t help but to smirk.

They both stayed calm for a while, though none fell asleep. Even without any irritations sleep was simply not coming for any of them. They were both bored to death but also unsure if other one was even awake. Third Child slowly opened his eyes to find Second looking at him with her good eye.

This time he was not feeling nervous."Nothing, huh?"

"Nice observation, Captain Obvious," Asuka returned tauntingly. "You get smarter each day."

To that Shinji just grunted. "Good one…" He already formulated some "smelly "jokes, but Asuka being Asuka won every trash-talk they had, two of them to be precise. Shinji hardly ever fought back, this wasn´t a good time either, even if he wanted he wouldn´t be able to run away.

Shinji closed his eyes in annoyance but Asuka didn´t approve, "Shinji, if I can´t sleep neither will you!"

"I´m not sleeping…" He replied nuzzling his cape.

Asuka was angry with the boy, "Then open your fucking eyes when you talk with me!"

"Yes Asuka…" He replied sadly half-opening his eyes. Even if he couldn't sleep he was hardly in talkative mode.

Asuka took a deep breath before she started. "Jezz Third, I´m sorry for keeping you awake and all… it's not like I want to hurt you or anything. It's just that there is a lot of shit we need to go through, you know… I was in comatose and stuff, I probably missed a lot, even the 17th angel… I´m just curious… so can we please talk a little."

Shinji was not accustomed to Asuka apologizing nor saying please, he was shaken but he didn´t want to refuse her in the rare occasion when she was actually polite. "Yeah sure, something particular you want to know?"

"After I fell, what happened?"

Firstly Shinji sighted, this may be a long night so he started with the coming of Kaworu. Firstly he had to explain that Kaworu was a part human part Angel part Adam, for Asuka that was quite disappointing. She expected something like giant laser-faced monster so she hardly believed in red eyed albino boy story. He went through all the details and explained his every course of action. At first Asuka demanded that he skips to the part when "fucker" dies, but she quickly changed her mind through Shinjis detailed narration. He told her of his origins of his purpose, at least he tried to explain, girl was very new to the whole "end of the world scenario" stuff. She was displeased that he was her replacement and insisted on the fact that they deserved what they got for that. He told her of his relations with the Angel and finished with the killing part.

"That sums it up… questions?" He asked obviously confused girl. She shook her head feeling very puzzled, she expected some answers but only billion questions arose. Shinji noticed that Second was unsatisfied so he continued. "You see there is a lot more… but I think it´s enough for one day… rest of the things is too scary for your own good."

"Are you calling me a coward Third?"

"NO, no … it's just… I'm sorry." He answered shaking his head. Boy did that girl like to pick up fights.

Asuka was amazed by the boy's stupidity. "Baka! Stop apologizing for every little fucking thing… I'm just kidding… jeez."

"I-It's not...-"He interrupted himself before he repeated the same mistake, "…Old habits die hard I guess. I don´t think that you can´t take it, it's just too much information for one talk. Tomorrow I'll explain about the origin of Angels and Evas, SEELE… and whatever else you want…"

"You mean you really know about that stuff?" Asuka asked feeling amazed. She worked for NERV for eleven years and she never had a clue about any of it."Who told you?"

"Umm, no one… I kind of figured it by myself…" He answered wimpy.

"Bullshit! Stop lying!"

"I´m not lying, if you don´t want to hear it I won´t talk about it…"

Asuka started to inspect Shinjis face in details; boy was pretty uncomfortable with Asuka studying every corner of his face, occasionally even touching him.

"Well, I´m not dreaming and you are not an alien." Asuka informed the boy. She wasn´t coming with the terms that Shinji knew things she didn´t. It made her feel less important, even jealous.

"Whatever…" Shinji was once again completely irritated with the girl, even if he fought the small voice in his head sometimes he just felt like giving in. He closely closed his eyes in disbelief. He couldn´t stand her low opinion of people she could have, if she continued like this he would tell her that SEELE was florist organization and that Evas were descendants of ancient Antarctic penguins.

"Ughhh… look Shinji," Her voice a bit weaker. "I don´t think you are _that_ stupid… or pervert… or anything… it's just…arghh…"

Shinji was starting to believe that she might be an alien, but liking what he heard he decided to push his luck a bit. "Go on…"

"Shut up Third! Let me talk for a change!"

Third Child thought for a bit_."For a change…huh… what did I miss_...? "Deciding not to stop her, he approved her continuation with a nod.

"You see… I want to settle some things. But let's get this clear, our relationship won´t change no matter what I say now, got it?" Shinji nodded so Asuka resumed. "First of all I told you a lot of bullshit I don´t really mean… well…umm… you see I don´t think you are that bad. Truth is you and I are quite similar, sure I can be a… bitch-"

"Nobody said th-"

"-Shut up _panzie_! Point is, I know that I could be… hard to deal with… and I´m thankful to you for bearing with me and all. I don´t know why you came back, to be completely honest it´s out of my comprehension of logic why you refused Instrumentality, but in the same time I´m grateful, for giving us the second chance of sorts… I know that last thing on your mind was being stuck here with me… and I repeat I AM grateful… though I´m probably not showing it…but you know me pretty well… In fact you probably know me better than anyone… so what I really want to tell you is…umm…even though you might not feel the same… umm… you see I´m s-sorry about thing I said earlier, WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS if I could choose anyone to be stuck with, it would be you Shinji…"

Asuka sighted all the remaining air she had. She felt better, up to now she didn´t realize how pain can disappear by simple sharing. Even though it was Shinji, deep down Second Child had a small tiny bit of respect for the boy that kept growing.

"So Shinji, now that we got that settled how abo-"

"…"

"..." Asuka clenched her fists, trying not to scream bloody murder. Right before her lay a peaceful face of sleeping Third Child, nuzzling his cape with closed eyes. She had no idea why her fist was not pummeling his face, but after a while she simply ditched the idea. Seeing Shinjis sleeping face made her feel tired as well.

She leaned closer to his ear. "Sleep now…because tomorrow you die…" She leaned back thinking of all the ways of teaching him the ends of all famous pirates. From hanging, drowning, walking on board, she also thought of being innovative and make up something painful tomorrow.

For the time being Asuka decided to leave Shinji alone. "_Argh… what the hell_" She slowly lifted his arm and snuggled in. Placing his arm behind her back they were now in full embrace, Asuka slowly placed her head under his chin and finally felt comfortable. With the small smirk she also fell into the deep sleep.

Without even noticing, a small crack appeared on her barrier.

* * *

"What was that for?" Shinji asked in pain rubbing the back of his head.

"That´s for being Shinji Ikari," Asuka replied turning her head. "Humph."  
Boy was completely confused. Asuka was not a morning person but she usually never hit him the moment they woke up. "Ok…"

Shinji noticed that it was not even morning, it was hard to tell from the crimson skies but he felt like they slept for a very long time, he could even hunch that night was not far off.

Shinji slowly stood up. "Umm… Asuka I´m going to take a bath…"

Asuka jumped exited like a schoolgirl. "Wha… I mean where!"

"There is a small crater minute from here… water is not drinkable but I-I think we can bath in it…"

"WHERE!" She demanded with a small blush. Shinji got the situation, he forced all his power of will not to laugh.

"Umm just go this way… "He pointed south. Angry redhead stormed off in that direction leaving the Third Child with a small chuckle.

He woke up first and found himself unable to move because of a certain oozing redhead attached to his body. It was not pleasant; she had the aroma of dying out he noticed two good things. First he noticed that desert storms were gone and he saw a clear path to Tokyo 3, second he saw a bird.

"_Bird_…"

Shinji was not happy for the bird, he was happy to see an _animal_. If that bird was alive it could mean that all other animals were alive, which also meant that they might eat some proper meat in near future.

That also meant that certain animal Shinji despised would also be there.

"_Damn crickets_…"

* * *

Asuka finally finished removing all the bandages and her plug-suit. She slowly looked at her reflection in water, her eye was dead and tissue above was looking terrible as well. She closely studied herself; she had three ugly scars scattered across her back and three across her chest. One on her chest crossed her left breast and completely eradicated her nipple, what used to be a smooth skin was now an ugly scar tissue. She slowly passed through the damaged tissue feeling like some parody freak. After she couldn´t take it any more she slowly sat and pulled up her legs, she tried to fight the tears but they quickly overpowered her.

"Shit…" She spat starting to cry.

Asuka was thought that scars from battle resembled its glory and made the scarred one stronger, though only thing they reminded her off was feeling of helplessness and being eaten alive by grinning sadistic angels that would haunt her for the rest of her life. Shinji was not the only one who lost the things he liked, Asuka was very proud of her look, but now…

She continued to cry for a time being, she broke her old promise "not to cry" too many times already. It was painful to lose something and she tried to tell herself that it didn´t matter to her, but it did. Her whole body was in terrible condition, she noticed that she was much hairier all over. She realized that there was no way of caring for her body in this conditions, it will only get worse. Little by little she might become cavewoman lookalike, thought only saddened her. Scar that severed her arm wasn´t pretty either, more she looked at herself, worse she felt.

"_Fucking cavewoman huh, fuck that shit_…"

Before misery completely overtook her she slowly entered into the muddy water, closed her eyes and sank…

* * *

Shinji was puzzled with the redhead, she was gone for a while and now she suddenly came, completely ignored him and sat very far from their encampment. He had no idea what to do, he left her go alone yesterday and he was dying of worry, he would not do the same again. He took his item and strolled to her side.

He felt hurt looking at her; every fool could notice the aura of despair. Her plug-suit looked thorn apart without the bandages, which were all gone. Her head was bowed and her wet hair completely covered her face, even when he stood before her she ignored him like he was air.

There were times when Shinji tried to make the girl tell him what was wrong, though he never succeeded. Asuka was Asuka, she never showed weakness in front of anyone. Shinji knew for a fact that the thing she hated more than looking weak was showing her weakness to _him_. Every time he tried to help she pushed him further and further until they stopped speaking for a while. This was time for a new approach.

Shinji sat in front of the girl, slowly took off his cape and placed it on her wet head. He started to rub it across her head until she griped his hand. Not seeing her face he still knew she was pissed. Why? He had no idea; to him Instrumentality was simpler subject that woman´s mind.

Small yet angered voice came from well hidden face. "G-Get your precious… blanket off me… I don´t need your pity, I don´t NE-"

"-HUSH! It´s just a dumb piece of cloth, besides who said that I´m doing this for you," Girl was now completely lost. "You see it would be troublesome if you died of cold. What will I eat if we fail to find something edible?"

A small bit of fear struck her. "Huh…?"

Asuka slowly raised her head. She cleared the way for her good eye and looked at the mischievously grinning boy. He was taunting her, and she suddenly felt playful. Asuka hated to be played with so she decided to break his little show.

"Oh yeah, well look at this," She slowly exposed the other side of her face. Boy had a clear view on her destroyed pink flesh and still closed eye. "How delicious do I look now?"

For her surprise his face was completely neutral, the same face before and after he saw her scar tissue. Asuka was even more surprised when Shinji slowly extended his arm to her closed eye.

"What are you doing, baka?"

"Please… I want to see it." He returned now touching her damaged skin.

"What, so you can laugh and call me parody freak… forget it."

"I won´t do anything like that, come on… just thrust me this once." He was not sounding determined but Asuka had nothing to lose, sooner or later he would see it so why not now.

Asuka slowly did what she was told, expecting an outcry from the Third he was once again just observing with neutral face.

"On the scale to ten, how bad is it?" She asked nervously.

Shinji made a small smirk, not the mocking kind of smirk more of "seen worse" kind of smirk. "It´s not that bad… I would even say _badass_…"

"What…seriously?" She asked in obvious sarcasm.

"Wait a sec," Shinji slowly reached into his pocket and pulled another piece of cloth. "I was making this before you came, don´t ask… though I think it would fit you more."

Asuka was looking at the thing he pulled. "Eyepatch? Seriously Third, you made a frigging black eyepatch… no seriously, you have some pirate disorder or what?"

"Don´t ask… anyway stay still." Shinji placed it perfectly. He had to admit that she looked a lot better with it.

"So… how do I look now?" She asked still nervous.

Shinji slipped a small chuckle. "Even more badass..." Asuka couldn´t help but to also chuckle a little, more she laughed more did he, so in the end they both laughed very loudly. Shinji had no idea if the girl was only bothered with her eye but he felt pretty good for helping her, Asuka also felt a lot better.

Shinji announced that he was going to shower and left a girl alone. She laid back and stretched. She was still a bit down, but not as much as before. Sure, she was still scarred, uncared and many other but sometimes a good laugh did the job. Even though it was just a stupid piece of cloth she realized how the small things can make you happy, not intentionally, she finally understood what Shinji saw in that stupid cape.

* * *

Shinji was gone for two minutes and Asuka was already bored to death. She rolled on the floor screaming but nothing constructive came to her mind. She started to think of visit to Tokyo 3 where she could get all necessary things.

"_Wax… tampons… shampoo_…"

She started to inspect her body, hoping to come up with something to add to her mental list. After nothing came she simply resumed with laying doing nothing accept playing with hair on her arm. It was a downer but she consoled herself with thoughts of Shinji looking even worse. It crossed her mind to check up on him but she decided not to.

"_I am not perverted like some worthless boy_…"

Image of Shinji bathing in muddy water haunted her mind, she fought them valiantly but in the end she found herself helplessly giggling on the floor imagining certain things. She found herself imagining various things, one Shinji nude and sometimes crossover of Shinji, Bigfoot and pirate. Enjoying her fantasies a bit too much she blushed slightly and started to consult herself.

"_It´s not perverted… he saw my shame why wouldn´t I see his_…_it´s only my imagination…unless_" She thought as she stood up. She went in the same direction as the Third Child few minutes ago, silently chuckling.

* * *

Shinji was currently sitting in the bottom of the small crater nursing his palm. He spent most of the time splashing water but he occasionally dived just for the sake of it. His wound didn´t hurt until he touched it, or extensively clenched his fists. Though, he mostly focused on playing with his foot producing various "pirate" sounds.

"_Captain Shinji Ikari on deck… orders Commander? Release the Kraken_!"

He had no idea that certain redhead peaked from the top. She didn´t see much but from what she saw she concluded one thing; Shinji had no body hair whatsoever. She started to glare daggers at the Third Child. Not sure if angry at herself, hormones, natural order or even the boy for not being old enough she started with mental desecration of the innocent boy.

She slowly leaned out of sight. "_Jeez! How… that´s just…urrr… Misato was right; Shinji really was the most feminine housewife in Tokyo 3_."

There was still one place. "_I am NOT perverted_!" She though, fighting the idea. At the end it overwhelmed her, she justified it with the fact that he saw her naked when she was in comatose. "_Not perverted… this is settling scores_…"

She slowly peaked and saw the Third Child stretching completely nude, that gave her a mental image she would not soon forget. The redhead quickly dashed away, blushing madly. She had no idea that seeing it could… disturb her.

"_If no one saw it, it didn´t happen_…"

* * *

Later on Shinji returned and found a redhead playing with the rocks mumbling something to her chin.

Every time he left her alone she changed her mood completely, girl was an obvious enigma."Emm… Asuka… are you ok, or need something?" Second Child turned to see Shinji standing with his black set of clothes on. It was a relief because every time he thought of him image was of him completely naked.

The redhead slowly stood up and punched him in the shoulder. "Well hello Captain Alopecia…"

Shinji was completely taken by surprise so the punch landed right on the nerve. "Ouch… fuck," He spat "what was that for, it´s…second time today… and what´s with all those weird pirate names…seriously?" Shinji returned holding his shoulder in pain.

Asuka frowned. "That´s for… umm… female problems Shinji, though sometimes I think you realize that better that me…"

"I´m not following…" Shinji replied not even hunching the possible reason. Though, he had a feeling that this was one of those things in life that he will never figure. To him Instrumentality was still cleared than enigmatic girl.

"Just forget it!" And besides, where are we going from now on? I´m _sick_ of this fucking place!"

"If we go there we can go back to Tokyo 3…" He said pointing in the west. Once more he was disappointed with Asuka, she obviously didn´t give much thought of their future but it was still fine because he already formulated some kind of a plan.

"That seems like a start, what next _Third_?"

"_So you did leave me with all the responsibility_." He thought bitterly.

He frowned. "I was thinking of visiting the Tokyo 3 first and then go somewhere else or just stay, I´m fine either way, and first I found some weapons." He announced, taking the two objects out of his backpack.

Asuka was not following, "Third why would we need weapons for fuck sake, we are all alone on this godforsaken shithole?"

But he knew few things she didn´t. "Wrong, you see while you were gone I saw a bird." He said proudly of his perception.

"You saw what… I´m still-?" She asked still not following.

"-A bird Asuka!" He repeated not expecting her cluelessness.

"Why the fuck is … oh…" She realized and made a small smile. "That sure is some good news, when did you saw it?"

"When you were gone showering I guess."

"Oh really, I thought you might do something as peeking on me?" She said mockingly, though she was scared that he actually might have. It never crossed him mind, he was more interested in coming with future plans and preparing his bag for the leave.

The Third Child only chuckled at that. "Nah… only some sort of pathetic pervert would do that."

"_I´ll let this one pass shithead_…" She thought, glaring daggers at the boy.

The boy pulled out a rusty axe and placed it below her feet. "You take an axe, you seem like axe person anyway…"

"What the _fuck_ do you mean by "I seem like an axe person"?" She spat taking the axe. "Are you calling me a cavewoman _Third_?" Now Shinji was thinking that giving axe to Asuka was not such a good idea, but still, he was confused about the last part. In his mind dealing with angry Asuka was much easier that dealing with depressed Asuka. But still…

"_C-C-Cavewoman…wha…w...w…WHAT THE FUCK!_" He thought utterly speechless. He thought that she was either mocking him or he was simply missing something very important, either way he was better off not knowing.

He went with the best response. "Huh?"

Asuka sighted slinging the axe behind her back, "J-Just forget it… anyway, what are you taking?" At that Shinji pulled out a black orange crowbar and pointed it at the sea.

"This baby…" He said playfully as he pulled his new toy, stood up and went to the peak to get the full view of horizon and the crimson sea.

Asuka just observed his actions confused. The boy slowly reached the peak and spread his arms as far as it went, with his new shiny crowbar in the right arm he pointed it at the sea, or the world itself and closed his eyes. As he read in the books and manga, young protagonist always challenged the world itself as they started their journey. Shinji had no idea what was coming but he felt ready, sure he was not very stable or physically fit. But there he was, standing above the seas of long lost souls, feeling determined and exited. This chance was something he was given by others, and he might as well do everything possible to enjoy this shithole. He wasn´t sorry for them nor he was happy; all he knew now was that it´s him against the world, and whatever the world threw at him he would prevail and survive, at all cost.

A weak wind brought him the old smell of LCL, even if he couldn´t do anything about it he still wondered if people could return. He wondered if there could be anyone that would ever come out of the primordial soup, though again it was still paradise inside, why would anyone.

Asuka closed on the boy, closely observing his face and realized that he was lost in some other world; she started to worry if he might even jump, but he was not moving an inch no matter how hard the wind blew, only thing that moved was his black cape who was perfectly merging with the flow of wind. She slowly came closer to the boy. "W-What are you thinking of…" She asked still concerned that the boy might jump and join the sea of lost souls.

"You know… I was just thinking if anyone would ever come back…" He said with sadden expression. "I kind of miss some people…"

"I don´t know… you may not like it BUT it´s me and you now, so get used to it!" Aska informed crossing her arms. To that Shinji just smirked.

"You see I´m still oblivious with the whole mid fucking thing that happened in there, only thing I know that it´s a false reality witch I didn´t want to be a part of. My reasons are still my own, as much as I kept lying to myself; there was not a single moment when I felt like I belonged to that world. Call me crazy but I would rather die after two days of living in truth than spend the rest of my days soul merged with everyone in one big lie. No matter how much I hated loneliness, I resisted it will everything I had. As far as I am concerned mankind deserves happiness, if it did found it in there ,I´m glad, and besides no person in the right mind would return as I did. I mean seriously who in the right mind would choose this shit over heavens…"

"WE returned, right?" Asuka corrected, finally catching his drift, Shinji nodded. It was something that bothered her as well though she never made any analysis. "You see… I also miss the old days, believe it or not. I also have my own reasons why I returned… though I feel we can go over it for a time. We are pretty fucked up, starved and what not, but I think we might pull this off if you follow my lead. I´m never said that I regretted coming here or anything, sticking with you is not that bad as I thought it would be…." She finished with sticking her tongue out at the boy.

Shinji made a small smile and sighted. "Well if we are not regretting it, if we can put all the things behind and if we indeed are all alone, why not simply make the best out of this crap…?" He turned and took his bag walking in the direction what used to be Tokyo 3.

"Agree on that!" Asuka said following his lead. Both of them now walked in the same direction, desert might be new but they still knew the way to Tokyo 3. It could take a while and they might not survive but they still decided to go. "Well… I must agree on one more thing." She added.

"Which is?"

"No one in the right mind would return to this crappy world…" She proclaimed. Both started to laugh as they pressed on into the unknown.

* * *

The paranoid man was violently fighting through the crowd, he was sweaty and his legs were leaving him. To him it appeared that all the people were moving in the opposite direction. As much as he pressed they were pushing him behind.

"_This is wrong… I need to get away_…" He thought as he broke from the man-train on the street. He was trapped between the old looking house and the crowd of endlessly passing men. He started to observe the unreadable faces of everyone. They were all blank, every single face was blank. It didn´t feel right, he moved on to the old looking house. It was the only thing that could possibly shelter him.

He knocked violently screaming his lounges out. Next second the doors were opened and he was looking at the woman in late forties with a child.

"Move your fucking ass out of my way!" He spat at the woman. Woman simply nodded with a smile and moved together with the small child below her arms.

"_Why is she so damn fucking happy, why are they all so damn fucking happy? What the hell is wrong with the world_?" He thought as he rammed into the house and slammed the doors behind him. He looked at the woman.

"Why did you open the door for the man with the knife in his hands?" He demanded angrily. Woman just smirked. His paranoia arose and he started to look everywhere but not seeing anything.

"ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!" He yelled at the woman. He quickly glanced at the little boy who didn´t show any kind of reaction. He was creeping him out and so did the woman. They only smiled, nothing more. His nerves started to break as his eyes watered.

"_This is fucking insane_…"

"He is a child, he should cry! Why is he not crying, why is he so silent, what is wrong with those people… this kind of thing was fun back then…now it´s just crazy I´m going crazy…" He babbled aloud holding his arms behind his head and walking in circles. "You are pissing me off woman, you and your fucking ugly child, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?"

The woman simply stood up calmly. "Christopher is one of the prettiest boys in kindergarten, or at least that is what Mrs. Fickleton said to me… are you for some tea mister?"

"Shut your fucking mouth you _whore_." He screamed pointing a knife at her. "You should be _afraid_, that´s how things work for fuck sake!"

"I presume you are more of a coffee person, am I wrong?" The woman returned calmly, still smiling.

With that man snapped. He had nothing more to say, if that woman talked for a second more he might break down in tears. He rushed to her side, took her by hand and showed her into the chair. He leaned across her and looked at the kid whose expression did not change at all. He screamed, he took his knife and showed it into the woman's throat. Blood was splashing all over him, the boy and everything else in the house. Though there was not a single voice besides _his _screams.

He didn´t stop, he continued to impale her, every strike harder than the previous; making things even bloodier and even bigger mess of the woman. She didn´t scream even a little, nor did the boy change his expression. He had no idea when she even died, when he stopped there was a dead silence, boy was just staring at him doing nothing. He was so infuriated that he just continued to stab her all over the body. Blood splattered everywhere and he was now completely soaked.

He stood up covered in blood from head to toe and knelt before the boy. He stared deeply into his eyes; they looked more like shallow pools of darkness which scared him shitless. Little boy hardly blinked.

"Are you fucking kidding me you fuck, if a man with bloody face kneels before you… you scream and run, you simply don´t do anything, WHY?" He demanded, feeling completely amiss. Boy made no response.

He stood up and kicked the boy with his leg as hard as he could; boy went flying to the wall. Man walked to him and started to step on his face with his boots. The boy as the woman showed no reaction or resistance. The man continued to stomp until there was no resemblance of the face. Even more bloodied man took a lump of meat that used to be the boy and dragged it out on the streets.

Noticing that no one was even looking at his bloodied figure or the decapitated boy he screamed on top of his lungs. "I KILLED THIS BOY AND THE WOMAN IN THE HOUSE, IS ANYONE GOING TO ARREST ME?" He stood there with his arms spread but no one gave a flying fuck to him or the boy. He was now completely disoriented, he could even swear that few of them glanced but only smiled.

"_This is hell… maybe someone finally killed me and I finished in hell not even knowing_… "He thought shaking. He rushed into the house weeping and pissing his pants. If he was paranoid later now he was completely insane.

In the house corpse of woman was in the same place where he left her, but he ignored it. For a second a whole house interior looked at the blank plate, second later it looked like a normal house. He was so disturbed that he started to look for a bathroom desperately, like his life depended on it. He finally managed to find it on the second floor. He went to the sink and looked at the mirror; he looked at his own image hoping that he is also not one of the slates. Noticing his green eyes were still there he felt a bit relieved. If anything he was still himself.

"_This is madness… this is some circle of hell that is made to torture me…. Madness is eating me alive… god hates me_" He thought as he touched his reflection in the mirror. After passing through it one more time he clenched his fist and slammed it into the mirror, making a crack over it.

He studied himself in the broken reflection. "_Who the fuck are you idiot, you are fucking killer, murderer, rapist, biggest scum that ever lived… why wouldn´t you deserve hell… that´s right this is my punishment … I am who I am, and if this is the consequence so be it_…"

His mind was set on a little boy he once was, when he was little people abused the fuck out of him. He remembered every scar, every single bruise all the things people did to him and each moment they used him.

"Well fuck you all, you make me this… you made me like this …. FUCK YOU ALL…." He screamed at the mirror, he was breath taken. He started to breathe even heavier, he was almost suffocating. "DAMN ALL OF YOU… YOU MADE ME…" He was now starting to feel the water entering his lungs, he felt like he was drowning, though he was left with the strength of one final scream. "YOU MADE ME INTO *gulp* MONSTER… I AM FUCKING MOSTER BECA-"*gulp* His world completely changed, now instead of mirror in the bathroom he was looking at the deep dark abyss. He was in the water, of sorts.

He realized he was submerged, and it made his nervous. He started to swim away from the darkness, as paranoid as he was he swam as hard as he could. He finally reached the shore, he couldn´t believe it. Only thing he managed to do after he emerged was maniacal laughter. He had no idea where hell brought him now, but he didn´t care, he accepted himself as the monster he is. If he had to suffer why not with a smile, it wouldn´t get any better.

When he broke the laugh he noticed that the naked woman was laying on the sand before him. Raven haired woman with tattoos all over her body. She looked so pale that she might be dead but he noticed her chest rising and falling, she was just sleeping. He could even recognize some of tattoos; some of them were prison tattoos, which he remembered correctly.

"We have a bad one over here a? Well too bad for you that I am awake and you´re not sister." He said as he knelt over her. He slowly placed his arms around her neck.

"Well fuck it, you people never resist anyway. Why not to wake you up just for the sake of it." He said as he slapped her. Woman instantly awoke and just looked at the man.

"What the fuck are you doing, get the fuck off me." She spat at the man on top of her.

"_Did she just… no… they never… oh god_…" He thought as he violently grabbed her neck again and started to squeeze his hardest. For his surprise woman started to resist and hit him as hard as she could, but no matter how hard she fought he was still stronger.

"YOU ARE RESISTING, MY GOD THIS IS NOT REAL" He said laughing as hard as he could. He finally found a person who was not just a humble lump of meat.

"_Why do I choke her when I have my fists_…?" He thought as he released her already swollen neck. Woman took a deep breath and rolled on her back. He pulled her on the front side again and punched her in the face as hard as he could, the woman started to scream.

As much as this shocked him he was having too much fun, he simply continued to pummel her face laughing maniacally. He hit her, again, and again, and again until there was nothing left to hit. He was victorious; he finally felt the feeling that slipped him since the time he "died".

"This is real… this is a real world..." He proclaimed raising his arms in the air still hovering over woman's body. The blood from his arms dripped on his face, it made him laugh.

"_No, this is not the real world… this is paradise… I can hurt again… that beautiful feeling… I feel so happy_…"

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER 3**

**A/N: Huh am I mad or what… sorry for somewhat weak end of chapter, I really wanted to make a more paranoid feeling but I was forced to hurry up because I will travel for a time being and won´t be able to write anything. So better this than who knows how long wait for an update, someone might think I´m dead… that would be bad…**

**Aside from that do you think I´m going too far with the pirate thing… firstly I thought of it as something that would make Shinji appear madder and somehow get you closer to his damaged psych… though I think it became sort of comedy element…. To be honest I am not complaining but what do you think?**

**That and this, turd slapping penis I am going aboard and I honestly doubt I will be able to write so next chapter will take a longer time… sorry**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, AND IF YOU DID WHY NOT REVIEW…. YEAH! YOU KNOW THAT MAKES ME WHANT TO MAKE MORE! HELP ME!**

**Now go somewhere and make up some new words…**

**Have a nice day reader.**

**Cotillon.**


	4. House

**So, since I am not really blessed with much time I still managed to pull off something that could be called a chapter… yeah right. To be completely honest this is filler, best way to describe it. Since it doesn't involve any plot or anything, just my mind going crazy, I just felt like doing something fast and found myself with kind of difficult situation. I still think this is worthwhile, or I don't … you decide and let me know in reviews… hehe. Same procedure people; brace yourself for few (when I say few I mean 100) grammatical mistakes (when I say mistakes I mean abominations), if you can ignore them they there is a slight chance you are enjoying this nonsense of mine… if so I love you very much. Now brace your nipples and on with the chapter *me gusta*. THANK YOU FOR REVIEWS!**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER:**I DON´T OWN ANYTHING! Other people do… I don't know them…

* * *

**Chapter 4 **or** 3.5:** **House** or **FILLER**

* * *

Twelve hours passed since Asuka and Shinji ventured into the newly formed desert that crossed their course to Tokyo 3. They traveled by night since they decided that they will rather endure the chill they were already used to than hotness of the desert day, which none of them experienced. Though the idea wasn't nearly as good as it originally seemed to be, since they almost froze to death several times over. They were still oblivious of how they managed to come up with the idea that traveling in pitch black would be better than traveling in the daylight. Not only that they lost their course several times over but they occasionally wandered in the opposite direction. To put it bluntly, it was Asuka's idea. Since Shinji promoted the idea of sharing responsibility, which included making decisions together, she managed to pass some blame onto him.

They were right; animals really were intact, of sorts. It could be that vast majority survived, or at least they hoped so. First animal they saw was a bird second was bloody corpse of something that could've been a dog and the third was a pack of ravens picking on the dog's eyeballs. The scenery convulsed their stomachs but still failed to prevent them to cook what was left. Like ravens, it was their way of staying alive.

It was already dawn, in best case they guessed that they were halfway through. They were both exhausted so they neglected the idea of making any significant progress. For today they were occupied with search for a temporary shelter since the sun was coming up rather fast, sleeping in the open was not an option.

"_Third_, can you see anything?"

Shinji was tottering slightly ahead. He wasn't paying much attention to the vast horizon; he simply found the ground easier to look at. "Nope, only sand..."

"Have any idea where we might be?"

"Sand Asuka, sand..." Shinji replied weakly, having difficulties with walking straight.

"So what are you going to do?" Asuka asked as she came closer and started to oscillate her hand in front of his eyes. His expression remained unchanged.

"Sand I tell you…"

It irked her to see how much effort he used when their situation was getting critical "_Third_, either you find a shelter or you make one! I really don't want my skin melted."

"I'm not sure if you noticed but I'm about to collapse. Can you do any of it?"

"Nonsense, what do I look like to you, a boy scout?" She replied crossing her arms. '_But you surely look like shit_' she thought as she took a notice of his shaking legs. She started to wonder if he might really collapse if they continued like this. What would she do then?

'_Damn I need to do everything around here, oh for fuck's sake_' Asuka thought bitterly as she carefully took his arm and steadied his shoulder blade on her own shoulder. "Can you walk like this?"

"Yeah this is much better, thanks." Shinji replied, sly grin on his face.

"Hmph." Asuka pouted at the boy-lump. "Well, just don't get any strange ideas."

"I value my life a lot nowadays" Shinji retorted.

"Cleaver boy," Asuka muttered as she patted his back with slightly more force. "Well yeah, since you didn't grope me in sleep I doubt you'd do it now, it's not like I don't thrust you or anything."

Shinji felt slightly flattered and couldn't help himself not to grin. "I know, I know… you are just being yourself."

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing, _Third_." She implied, giving him a mean look with her good eye.

Shinji rolled his eyes, playing innocent. "You are imagining things… must be the sun."

"It better be, or I'll hand you your own ass, _asshole_!" She spat while griping him more forcefully, hoping to inflict some minor damage.

Shinji responded by acting a hurtful laugh. '_When certain someone continuously speaks without break for breathing for about 12 hours about new world order, producing the new race and what not… assholism is commodity_."

They continued to stroll under the scorching sun, with Asuka still supporting Shinji's weight, it got harder and harder as they went on. It was getting hotter and hotter and nothing seemed to be in sight, which looked like it was bending from all the sunrays. They were very thirsty and lacked a grave amount of water in their organism but sweat was rather pouring from both, their legs started to feel heavier and hope was crumbling on a weak thread. But they still pressed on.

They were almost ready to give up when they suddenly noticed the black distant silhouette of what could possibly be a roof. As they forced all their energy into their feet they noticed that it was indeed a roof. It was a house half buried in the sand, they both joyfully screamed upon realization.

They hurried up; with dry throats, heads full of imagery of soft beds and functional supply of water. They reached it as fast as possible and settled in its shades. After a brief series of panting from exhaustion they managed to regain their pace and successfully find a potential entrance.

"It seems to be buried," Shinji said in troubled tone. Before them were doors, but they were also half buried in sand, digging through would take a lot of time and effort. "There might be a window or at least a fucking _chimney _or something."

"Breaking in as _Santa_, classy." Asuka ironically responded with a raspy, almost breaking, dry voice. She went to look around and managed to find a small window on the back wing.

"Come over, _baka _Shinji!" She called the boy. Her throat was hurting but the potential glass of water was tempting her to extreme.

Shinji hurried to her side and knelt before the small and rather slim window. "You sure… it looks too slim. We might not fit."

"Just open it! I feel like I could die in any second."

"Fine…" Shinji replied meekly as he pulled out his half black half orange crowbar and forcefully thrust it into the crack in the middle. After applying all the pressure he could manage the wood cracked under the force, making few wooden bits to fly past his face in great speed. He ably ravaged the rest of the remaining wood and carefully broke the glass that was beneath it. When he cleared all the tiny bits the redhead knelt past him.

"I'm going first." Redhead proclaimed getting a hold of the edges of a small entrance.

Shinji took a notice of her strange way of entering." Be careful it looks quite cramped."

"Could it be that you think I'm too _fat_, huh!?"

Shinji sighted, "No... j-j-just hurry up ok. I really need a drink."

"Hmph." She pouted and started to push her way through. To Shinji it looked really clumsy; first she went in with her feet, the same way they used to enter their entry plugs. Then she started to pull the rest of the body in with her arms. It seemed to go well until her hips seemed to halt. She continued to pull, making quite scary hoarse cries but she was not moving an inch. It took a power of will for Shinji to suppress a laugh or at least say; I told you so.

"Hghhhh.."

"Hghhhhhhhh….."

"Oh fuck my life…" Asuka turned and made a death stare that automatically stiffened the almost giggling Shinji. She continued to inspect him; her expression was starting to slightly change color and becoming somewhat clumsier looking. After a brief moment of silence she nervously gulped.

"Can you please push me…?" She asked with a small yet visible blush.

Shinji smelled victory in the air. "Ha…I told you s-... w-w-wait only thing I can push is… oh god." He finished with even clumsier expression that she currently had, not to mention his face that was now bright red.

"Baka!" She screamed. "Don't you dare blush like that!" By the time she finished their colored changed to crimson read.

"Y-you are also…"

"No, I am NOT!"

"Yes, you ARE!"

"Oh cut the crap! Are you going to push me or what? I don't want to spend the whole day like this." Asuka said in very frustrated tone, enough to throw Shinji out of balance.

Shinji was quite taken aback by her proposal; he never quite touched the female private parts, except for that time at Rei's apartment, which was hardly countable or even memorable. "Um…I-I-I…ummm…sand?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, just push my god damn _ass_." One-eyed girl spat, blush still visible.

Shinji's arms were shaking quite a bit; the process of realization was constantly reappearing in his head. '_I mustn't run away…I mustn't run away… oh lord_…' He chafed his hands enough to warm them completely, almost even irritate his skin from all the rubbing,

Asuka was already losing patience; being stuck was already making her infuriated enough. "What the hell do you think you are doing? You Japanese people have some ass grabbing rituals or something?"

"Just a second, I need some encouragement…"

"Oh do it already or I will seriously rip your _damn_ cape to shreds."

"Ok," He instantly replied, heck if he managed to fight 80 feet tall behemoths then what is one female bottom compared to that. "I'm really; really sorry…umm… here I go!"

The moment he placed both of his palms on her bottom and pushed he felt some of the strangest sensations from it. Not only that he could feel his hands practically being engulfed by the strange almost electric buzz from her plug suit or even her skin he could almost feel under it. He cringed as he pushed, he could almost feel his hands pushing into the soft jelly. It was one of the feels seemed to make his spine tingle, as suggesting that he was maybe in one of the biggest dangers of his life, and other… well…

'_No, no, no… don't you dare!_' Shinji gave it a one final push and let all the awkwardness to shudder his whole skin. Asuka slipped and went through, Shinji however found himself with his face buried in sand. Silent 'thump' could be heard, followed by even more silent yet placid 'Ouch'.

"It's fine, now you go…" Silent and somewhat confused voice from a certain redhead came from the dark house interiors.

However stunned boy was still having some difficulties with something mesmerized. '_Damn you… I curse you… you betrayed me… you betrayer of humanity_!' he scolded inside his head, feeling awkward over the top. Even the situation in Rei's apartment didn't invoke such… reaction.

"Are you coming or not?" More demanding voice came that instantly broke his trance, even though she spent quite a time in entry plugs this gloomy room still made her uneasy.

Shinji obediently did as he was told; he slipped through it from the side and found no problems while doing so. He wanted to proclaim that he was right but felt too anxious to do it. The boy decided that he would rather focus on avoiding eye contact.

"Umm… l-let's search for w-water." Shinji hummed as he started to look for some doors to escape from this situation, since Asuka's cold glares gave him shudders, he was not sure if she wanted to kill him or just _kill_ him.

'_God dam it Shinji, grow a fucking spine_.' She previously decided not to press on the humanity renewal topic. Since Shinji was completely against it, since she was after all tagging along and ultimately was so on his good will, though she doubted that he knew that he held that much power over her. None the less she decided not to give up.

One-eyed girl face-palmed in frustration. "Mhmm…could you stop acting like a child, doors are here."

"Oh… how convenient" he quavered as he took a notice of the doors.

"How dense can you even get," Asuka snorted as she opened the doors to hallway, only to let through some pretty toxic fumes from inside.

Both of them covered their noses from the choking smell. They almost vomited from disgust when they took notice of the different piles of clothes drenched in goo-like liquids, to them quite familiar LCL. The liquid apparently steamed from the heat and produced all those unpleasant smells. Those were human remains, human goo, left-overs from previous owners of the house, which were now probably trapped inside the instrumentality. It disgusted both of them, yet another scene to haunt them.

Both Asuka and Shinji gulped and then took a deep breath as they started to walk across the steaming liquids, splashing some of it as they stepped over it. The moment they entered another room they instantaneously shut the doors of the boiling hallway.

Shinji took a notice of the situation. They trespassed on another man's property, disrespectfully broke his belongings, not to mention stepped over his corpse and were about to loot his house. It was scaring him how he gave absolutely no fuck about it.

They were now in living room. "How disgusting." Asuka muttered between deep breaths, Shinji equally disgusted collapse on the white couch that was in the middle of the room.

"I feel dead…" He announced as he nuzzled the soft sheets with his cheek.

Asuka face-palmed. "Get up _baka_, find me something to drink, _anything _will do."

"Just a second more…" Shinji whined, getting up seemed impossible to him.

"IDIOT! If you fall asleep now you will die from dehydration, come on." She said, pulling him up by his arm. She managed to lift him up and not to fall while doing so.

Shinji was able to achieve some balance so they both searched in separate ways. He was having no luck, he already checked all the pipes in the kitchen and there was also nothing in the fridge, even the ice was long melted. Nothing was working properly. Hearing Aasuka grunting and cursing in German all the time he figured that she had no luck either.

They met back in the living room and collided on the white couch, feeling utter defeat. They wasted all their remaining energy on the scavenging. Unfortunately there were no results. Whole house appeared to be out of any useful resources, including food and water. Shinji barely managed to find some already crunchy spoiled loafs of bread, nothing edible.

In pauses of inhaling-exhaling Shinji managed to form a question. "You think we are done for?"

"Bah," she barked. "It seems so…"

Unpleasant silence of realization came; Asuka noticed that the boy had a miserable look in his eyes. He seemed to distantly stare in the ceiling, like he used every thread of hope and became an empty shell, a mere vessel of what used to be Shinji Ikari. She was as equally depressed, though she really wanted to at least do something to escape this downright pathetic state they were in. It was a pain, she hoped for at least a whole lifetime. There were a lot of things she wanted to do before leaving this world, if she was to die now she would do so with a lot of regrets. There was still a lot she wanted to tell Shinji, maybe it was the right time to do it, maybe it was finally her chance, or her last one.

They remained laying there only centimeter apart, like two planks of wood. Asuka wanted to scream everything she held but found it more difficult than she thought it would be. Little did she now that their feelings were mutual, but to certain degree. Shinji was thinking almost the same thing, though he took an initiative and carefully took her arm and squeezed it gently, as reassuring that everything would be fine.

She was slightly taken aback; she sifted her gaze from the ceiling and found Shinji looking at her with very weak smile on his face, the best one he could manage. She couldn't help but to smile herself or to make a small blush to match his, she was slightly relieved. They continued to exchange smiles like that; the need for words was completely lost.

They remained still for quite some time; Shinji's eyes were long closed. Asuka still observed his face, deep down she feared that Shinji was already gone since his breathing was barely noticeable. She never imagined that they were about to die as old married couple everyone took them for, it was quite an ending if anything. She found dying at the same time the most adequate of all; it was a dream of all lovers, the most romantic ending anyone could hope for. She was at least happy to share it with Shinji.

She was not sure if he was already gone, the sole though made her eyes teary. She decided to spill something just to make sure if he was already asleep or not, if he was, she would also give into the long lasting sleep.

"Japanese houses… only 5 rooms… so _shitty_." She barely muttered with her crippled voice, still looking at the boys face.

Shinji's eyes wide opened. "6 rooms…"

"Huh?"

Shinji took deep breaths. "Japanese… houses…6 rooms… basement."

"Basement?"

"Basement." He confirmed, giving her an irked look.

They looked at each other and slowly nodded, they carefully started to get up, supporting each other best they could manage. Shinji was familiar with the structure of Japanese countryside houses, since they were all made the same way in Tokyo region and he spent ten years living in one, with his uncle. Basement was situated below the hallways, he would have found it but it was the territory Asuka apparently searched so he figured she already checked it.

Soar throated they slowly bobbed around in tight embrace like two disoriented drunk-heads. The basement was probably the last bit of hope they shared, it sounded like paradise, and they focused all their strength into opening it, hoping that they wouldn't faint from dehydration. They slowly crawled down the stairs, even though they found a last hope they still feared of pathetic ending in cold gloomy room. What if they don't find anything, it would be pathetic outcome but they would still die knowing that they weren't surrendering to their cruel fates.

When they finally entered there was quite a sight to behold. It wasn't as much as basement as it was alcohol storage. Basement was literally filled with vast collections of different kinds of alcohol. There was sake, some other kinds of wine, Shochu, Awamori and kegs of pretty much everything they hardy recognized. For all they cared it was something to drink, they barely glanced at each other before rushing for a closest bottle of anything they could grab.

Shinji grabbed a bottle of sake and used his crowbar to remove its cork. He knew that he was prohibited to drink since he was fifteen, though it hardly mattered in their situation. He drank alcohol only on few occasions, two to be precise, one time when Misato experimented with him and other one long before in his uncle's house. He was never fond of it, it actually disgusted him, why would anyone drink it over cola, tea or equally tasty beverage was out of his comprehension.

He slowly took a small sip just to taste it. It was disgusting; he choked on it, and then coughed a bit, some of it even leaked from his nose. Still it was nothing he couldn't endure; after all he managed to digest ten times more horrible _food_. His body still required some liquids so he figured that he might just get over with it as soon as possible, he took another sip. It was still as horrible as before though he was in need of more to satisfy his thirst problems. Little did he know that alcohol is not recommended for dehydrations, since it only made him more and more thirsty.

'_This tastes like shit_…' He concluded after he drank a bit more. It was enough to restore some minor balance and make his throat functional. He cleaned some of drips with his black cape.

He turned around to see how Asuka was dealing with it. His jaws dropped when he saw the redhead swigging the hell out of something. After she was done she produced an equally annoying sound Misato usually did when she was nursing her beer.

"Shinji, you have to try this, it is so damn good!" She said pointing a half empty bottle at his face.

It was a bad situation. It was not hard to notice her groggy pose, her incomprehensible speaking, off balanced behavior. It was clear as day that she was already intoxicated "I'd rather not…" He said waving his hands.

"Oh come on… *hic* don't leave me hanging _Third_!" She babbled poking his cheeks with the tip of the bottle. "Take some… it's really good."

"Nah, I had enough of my own." He whooped, waving his hands with silly expression.

"But you didn't taste any of this! Shinji… we are surviving and shits… drink it!" She demanded as she slowly started to crawl to him.

Shinji, completely hazed by the turn of events, crawled back from the incoming redhead. No matter how far he slipped she was still onto him like a predator. Furthest he managed was the corner, in just a second Asuka was already pinning him from above, giving him a cunning smile.

"Now, open up…"

"NO! God dam it Asuka stop it. You are completely drunk!" Shinji quavered, while desperately trying to prevent Asuka from thrusting the bottle in his mouth. It was really hard since Asuka was showing no remorse; she fought very eagerly, like her life depended on it.

"I am no fucking way drunk… you! I only drank a bit of it" She muttered as she started to attack even more forcefully.

'I _know you drink only a bit, what the hell is your metabolism, a fragile branch or something_?' Shinji though as he repelled yet another attack.

Shinji was already sick of this. "Look! Stop this FU- ughh" He was interrupted by the bottle that suddenly found his way directly into his mouth. The lips of the bottle were almost directly in his throat, he could feel the alcohol directly pouring through his throat. He managed to pull it out in a second, though it wasn't fast enough to prevent the bigger amount of it ending in his stomach.

He showed Asuka off and started to writhe. "The *cough* fuc- *cough* were you fuc- *cough* thinking *cough*!" He spoke between coughs in very angry tone.

It was only now that Asuka realized that she practically violated him in a very gruesome way. She quickly rushed to his side and grabbed onto his back. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… Ok?" She repeated as she tightened her grip. "I'll never do this again… ok… please forgive me… ok… you don't hate me right, right?"

It was quite hard for Shinji to catch some of the words, though he discerned all the apologies and such. He had no idea why but he decided to pardon her, they were both about to die but are still alive, so it was not that bad. '_What's a small violation between friends right_?'

Shinji took some time until his lounges calmed down. "I'm not mad," He sighted. "J-just don't repeat that ever again, ok?"

"Ughuh" Was her dull yet cheerful reply. The boy was wondering if anyone could get so drunk after only a humble amount of liquor. The answer was pinned on his back.

"Now please help me get up, I'm sick of this basement."

She slowly detached from him and clumsily helped him. Shinji was starting to feel the effects; his vision seemed to be a bit blurry and a bit shrank, not to mention the back of his head that felt like some wild rave party. Both Shinji and Asuka repeated the same walking procedure but still barely held some balance. It was not much different from previous time, though now they felt disoriented over tired.

On their way Asuka leaned on the side. "I'm taking this for later…"

"We won't need that. " Shinji said with very annoyed expression. He felt like he was dealing with half retarded child. All he wanted was to embrace that beautiful white couch and rest for the rest of the day, babysitting was not an option.

They returned to square one. They were both lying on the white couch, now sitting across each other with their legs tangled. It was normal at first; Asuka was acting like a normal schoolgirl, which scared the shit out of Shinji. The boy tried to fall asleep but it was hard to do so with such an awful taste in his mouth. It was not the only problem; they soon realized that they were getting thirstier and thirstier as they rambled. Before they knew the bottle was almost empty.

Asuka, in her drunken state, recalled some of the questions that remained unanswered among them. She figured that she could ask few of them since they hardy did anything accept trying to fall asleep and occasional babbles.

Asuka was more affected than Shinji, though there was not much difference. "Oy Shinji! You there?" Asuka shouted from the top of her lounges.

"I'm… about… here in front of you!" The boy replied face-palming, though he missed and stroke his nose.

"Can… I ask you someth-h-ng?"

The boy slowly nodded.

Asuka got up from her lying position and looked at him with more serious look. "Why d-do youu… keep me… around?"

"Whoa?" He exclaimed in confusion. "Let me… think…umm… I don't know."

"There-must-be a reason!" Asuka slurred. "I am NOT stupid _Third_… I can see that yo-ou are always concerned about s-something… "

Shinji barely made off the nonsense but had even more trouble recalling if he really was bothered by something. Since his brain was the second body part that betrayed him today he just decided to state what he already knew. "Nope… d-don't know… maybe something about my cap-?

"-Anyway "Asuka interrupted. "I think can make some assumptions!" She proclaimed, completely ignoring his answer. Shinji took a notice of it, but ignored it.

"I know that I am not… very nice… temper… stuff… s-shit… and I don't have much survival experience… nor do you b-but sin-nce you are sort of… captain thingy'n cape… t-that makes me a drag or something… I dunno."

Asuka took a deep breath. Shinji actually managed to comprehend her words and already formed some sort of speech to stop her monologue, though he never got a chance since Asuka immediately continued with her rant.

"SO! Either you prefer to be lonely, which I doubt since… well Pen- umm I mean … urghh you know. Maybe you just took pity on me… or my most… probable… maybe!" Shinji was again having a hard time deciphering her words. Asuka however clenched her fist as some act of encouragement and leaned nearer with more serious face.

"Shinji… d-do you find me attractive?" She asked with a small blush.

His brain completely halted, it was something he could hardy lie about. Since his brain entered malfunction mode, only product was tomato colored face and awkward grunts.

"Uughmmm"

"I knew it." Asuka responded, lowering her gaze sadly. "Is it because I have only one eye?"

"Uughmmmm"

"I get it…" She said gesturing on her burnt flesh above her eye. "There is no need for words… I understand completely."

Shinji gulped in nervousness. The one-eyed girl was completely intoxicated and she was reaching some pretty wrong conclusions, that much he figured. Since he wasn't going to let it go like this he spoke.

"L-look it's really not the truth… umm, "He gulped, still nervous as before. "You are very pretty... and I-I simply like to have you around… you know I don't want you to think…wrong… our relationship is bit more of that… we are good friends Asuka."

He lelft out a big long sight, misunderstanding was solved, or so he thought. Asuka was looking at him with teary eyes, which confused him a lot. She was looking delighted, too cheerful for her usual self. Was his speech so good he didn't know, because he was almost certain that he confused some words and spoke in splutter, maybe even lisping?

Little did he know that the redhead heard his words a bit different, in her mind it sounded like this; "You_ are really pretty… like you… you think wrong… relationship more of friends_"

"Ha!" She barked with quite radiant expression. "Then it's settled!"

Shinji nodded with a smile. '_Huh my speech really got through; maybe I am really not as drunk as I thought I am_!'

"From now on we are dating." She informed with beatific expression.

"Huh?" Shinji stared at her with vacant look, unblinking. He was just starting to realize that there could still be some misunderstanding, or did he miss something of grave importance.

"Yes Shinji _darling_?" She asked in her standard drunken tone.

'_Shinji what now_?' He wondered, completely unprepared for sudden twist of events. He was now absolutely sure that alcohol became his biggest enemy. "Asuka… we are dating?"

"Sure… why not… "She answered, quite puzzled. "s-since we settled everything there is no need to pretend otherwise. W-we are the last couple o-of people on the world… we could even say that we were dating from the beginning…"

"Umm… listen Asuka… emm, I am really sor-"

"-happy, I know _baka. _Now let's kiss!" She interrupted, giving Shinji a mischievous smile.

"W-what? Kiss, but we are dating for only 1 minute…" He protested, waving his hands. '_Datin?! Since when did I accept that… for fuck sake Shinji…!_" He thought as he started to think of the possible outcomes.

He could try to reason with her and solve the situation in most adequate manner possible. He would end up resolving their delusions and ultimately breaking up with Asuka, after one minute of dating. But he wondered how she would take it. She seemed to be quite eager and cheerful about the whole thing. Would it break her hear, or not? Maybe she was teasing him like she always used to? When he gave it some thought he realized that he can't remember anything she said to him, or didn't. Did she confess her feelings or something? He couldn't remember a thing, when he tried a bit harder he realized that she didn't, could it be only alcohol, did the liquor cause all their confusion? It was possible that she thinks that she did but didn't, they were both completely drunk after all. Was he really going to exploit a drunken girl? She seemed to be delighted with the idea, yet he was still unsure of what to do. There was only one reasonable answer.

Shinji looked at his side and quickly grabbed a bottle and took a long gulp of what was left. It didn't help him at all but it was still the best thing he could come up with.

"It will ruin our kiss!" Asuka snapped. "Umm, well I did drink a bit myself, both did… well doesn't really matter… now come closer."

She leaned closer but was stopped with his hands on her shoulders. "Now wait a minute… I-I-I-"

"Oh don't worry. I won't hold your nose like the last time." She explained.

"It's NOT that!" Shinji blurt out.

"So what is it?" She asked with pained expression. "Don't you want to kiss me?"

"I-I…" He hesitated; her sullen expression was paining him a lot. He realized that he was completely helpless. "No… you got me w-wrong…"

Smile returned to her face. "Then here I go…" She said as she got closer to his face. They both had a very blurry vision of each other, even from such short distance. "w-we should close our eyes..."

He obeyed. He felt extremely nervous; he was still completely inexperienced with these kinds of situations. The chills tingled his spine; his mind was going numb, either from the nervousness or from the alcohol, he was not sure. But then it happened…

It was if anything weird. He was not sure if he was doing it right or not but he continued the best way he could manage. Asuka was no different, she didn't expect anything like this either. Shinji was considering if opening his eyes would be a good idea, he wanted to peek since something was clearly wrong but he figured that he was probably only drunk. Truth was Shinji and Asuka were not exactly kissing on the lips; Shinji was more or less kissing her chin while she was kissing his nose. They continued to do so for a while; none of them actually realized their mistake. It got messy when Asuka tried to use her tongue. They made quite a mess of each other's faces but for better or worse they didn't realize it since the combination of mixed feelings, exhaustion and alcohol kicked in and sent them both into a blissful sleep.

* * *

"Ughhh… _fuck, fuck, fuck_" Shinji muttered as he woke up, with extreme headache. "Oh god, my skull is splitting open…" His stomach suddenly convulsed. "I think I'm going to throw up."

He quickly rose from the couch and rushed for the bathroom, not even noticing the redhead that was still blissfully sleeping near him.

All the noises disrupter her sleep and she was on her feet very soon, now very much awake and with the same problems as Shinji she repeated the same process he did, only with more curse words on German. After they both finished vomiting they sat on the floor and grabbed their heads.

"God… what the fuck happened." Asuka spat while rubbing her head.

"We apparently got very drunk…" Shinji replied doing the same, they both noticed an empty bottle of liquor.

"Why would we do that?" Asuka asked in confusion.

"We were probably dehydrating or something… I don't really know to be honest." He answered giving her a troubled look.

"Don't look at me the _fuck_ should I know?" She returned, and then something came to her mind. "Say Shinji, do you remember anything from last night."

Shinji sighted. "Umm… well we crashed here... got pretty drunk… in other words absolutely nothing."

"Same here." Asuka added, not even sure how they ended up here in the first place. "Are we even close to Tokyo 3?"

"Probably… I don't really know anything." Shinji replied with painful expression, it was completely obvious that they were experiencing a drunken haze. "Let's just rest for a bit and then move forward, this headache is a complete bitch. "

"Yeah… but hey now we know how Misato felt every morning."

Shinji sighted. "I admire that woman…"

* * *

They rested for a bit and then went forward to Tokyo 3. In the same time on the shores of LCL Sea the other new-formed group of people started to move in the same direction.

**END OF CHAPTER 4:**

* * *

**A/N: I have to repeat that I don't have much time nowadays… so don't expect me to update that soon. I will try to make something in a week or so. My emotional state is maybe not that prepared for this kind of fiction. Since I have a lot of slacking to do I could make myself do one darkfic… who knows. **

**I hope you enjoyed. It's still my grammatical abomination, BUT if you DID enjoy you can leave a nice review… **

**Have a nice day reader.**

**Cotillon.**


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